Jesse A. Schroeder

Religion/Spirituality/Jesus/Church

2012-01-13T07:16:00.001-05:00

You probably have seen this video posted on facebook -

I'll admit, when I saw the title and few of the quotes, I didn't feel the need to watch it. I commend the artist for speaking out, putting himself out there on the web, and I assume his intention is admirable.

But the video is stirring controversy. This HuffPost article sums it up. This Patrol Mag article offers a strong critique, saying:

What Bethke is actually railing against is people whose expression of religion doesn’t look like he believes it should. Thus, rather than discounting religion, he is just discounting other religions, or even just other manifestations of his own religion...But, here Bethke is doing far more harm than good by playing into hurtful stereotypes about religion–his religion and mine, as well as the other major world religions.

I'm not going to offer any additional critique or compliments. I think its an interesting conversation and in many ways its good that his video has sparked the debate. If nothing else, he succeeded in his goal of getting people to think twice about their religious expression.

Here are my few thoughts, and the reason I wanted to post about the topic: First, we have to be honest that spirituality is inherently religious. Our spiritual faith requires a physical expression embodied in our human life. Attempting to differentiate between Jesus and religion is akin to the modern Christian attempt at differentiating between Truth and our subjective perception of truth. Postmodernism has taught us that all reality is embodied in our personal human experience. I guess it naturally follows then that, yes, all our spiritual/religious expressions are flawed. That sort of goes without saying, but then again, I think that's what this artist is saying.

Second, I've been reading Brian McLaren's Naked Spirituality, and at the end of the book he talks about moving into a phase of spiritual life that goes beyond dichotomies. He says,

We know we must use words, just as we have [before], but we also know that our words conceal as they reveal. similarly we must celebrate the rich heritage of our religious traditions, but those traditions are now the foundation on which we build, not the ceiling under which we are trapped.
We learn as never before to separate G-d from our God concepts. We learn that it is one thing to trust our beliefs, believe in our theology, or have confidence in our doctrines and creeds about God. But it is a very different thing to trust God directly, desperately, helplessly, nakedly. We believe in G-d-beyond-beliefs as distinguished from the-god-of-my-beliefs...So by referring to G-d as 'God as we understnd him,' we acknowledge that our best understanding of God is just that - our current best attempt to understand One who by definition, excels, overflows, and transcends anything and everything we will ever think or say."

Paradoxical? Yes. Contradicting? Obviously. The critics of the video are right - the artist contradicts himself by saying he doesn't believe in religion but he believes in Jesus. I don't think the artist is very nuanced in his approach, but if he was, he might be closer to something like Peter Rollins' How [Not] to Speak of God, or going even further back, the apophatic theology of the Desert Fathers. This is the theology that affirms belief in God, which admitting that our understanding of God and expression of our belief is inherently flawed and falls short. It is a theology full of humility, seeking, and re-evaluating.

Our spiritual beliefs are necessarily bound in religious expression. But that doesn't mean we have to be satisfied with our religions, or with ourselves. But we can't fool ourselves, thinking that we are free from religion. Like an analogy my sister passed along to me, "Saying you love Jesus but hate religion is like saying you love your wife but hate marriage."

The goal is not to be antagonistic against religion, but realize that our religion is not the full expression of our love for God. As McLaren says, it is the foundation, the jumping off point, rather the ceiling or the limit.

Professional Helpers

2012-01-12T15:19:00.001-05:00

A quote from my reading this week (Social Work Practice With Children, by Webb, 2003):

"Some children not only survive but actually do well despite all to the contrary. Often, the influence of one adult makes enough impact to tip the balance of negative environment in a child's life. Although these 'invulnerable children' are exceptional, their life experience argues for the positive impact of professional helpers on the lives of at-risk children who are 'vulnerable.'"

Family Heritage

2012-01-08T15:30:00.002-05:00

In two of my classes on Friday, we were asked to discuss the topic of family. The first class, we each drew a picture of our family, a typical therapeutic exercise for children. I drew (as best I could) the Earth, with the couples of my immediate family in different parts of the world, but still connected. I also drew my grandparents sort of "below" the Earth, trying to show that they had passed away, but were still part of my family.

In the second class, we were asked to define "family," which is actually pretty difficult when you think about it! There are many different expressions of a family, especially when considering different cultures and places in the world. We then talked about mapping our family through what is called a genogram, which is basically a simple way to use symbols to quickly portray the family history and relationships amongst members of the family.

Then, Friday evening, I found these two pictures of my family. The first shows my Grandpa and Grandma Johne with my siblings and myself, as well as a few of my cousins (I'm the one with the red shirt). We are in Wisconsin at our family reunion spot, Camp Croix. Spending a week at Camp Croix with my extended family is one of my most beloved childhood memories. We would swim, fish, stay in cabins, have big bonfires, make dozens of pizzas for dinner, and have many little adventures together. My grandparents were so loving, would spend hours just hanging out with us, and were so clearly loved by everyone in the family. This picture really captures that feeling.

The second picture is of the same grandparents, bringing home their third child. I have not confirmed this with my mother or anyone else, but I think that in the picture is my aunt Peggy, my mom, and my uncle Peter (the baby). This picture is a glimpse of my family heritage. I think that you can see, once again, how happy my grandparents are, and what a beautiful family they have.

I know that not everyone has such wonderful memories of their family, let alone their grandparents and their extended family. Some people have never met their grandparents, or have very bad experiences with family. For others, family may be more of a burden than a blessing.

However, in my personal experience, as I reflect upon what it means to "be family" and "have a family," and I think about the significance of my family in my life, it can hardly be summed up in just a few pictures. I like that these pictures offer a sense of heritage, the value of family passed down from generation to generation. When I reflect upon my current life - married, turning 30 this year, a new dad, finishing graduate school, generally healthy and happy - I realize that so much of what I enjoy every day is a direct result of my family heritage. My grandparents worked hard and sacrificed much. But they also worked hard at instilling values in the family, and they never sacrificed faith or love. These core values were passed down to me, and as a result my understanding and experience of family is that it is one of the most profound blessings of life.

As a result, Kellye and I are working to arrange our life so that our children can have a similar experience. We are thrilled that Aleli is growing up around her grandparents. She spends at least 2 days a week with them, and sometimes much more. We hope that as she gets older, she will know her grandparents very well, and she will know their faith and love too.

I've often reflected that the amazing thing about family is that it is, in some ways, the greatest blessing possible that any one person could experience. And at the same time, it is the blessing that every person does experience, in one way or another. I'm thankful for my experience, and I'm trying to make the experience of my children something beautiful as well.

The Days at Home

2012-01-04T23:20:00.003-05:00

Because I am in graduate school, I get to enjoy days at home with my daughter. This quarter, I will be home every Wednesday - just her and I, hanging out.

These days at home have really opened my eyes to the reality of the so-called "stay at home parent." I never thought a stay at home mom/dad had it "easy." But I spent a good part of my day today reflecting on the unique role of the stay at home parent - the challenges, joys, ups and downs.

One challenge is that there is nothing really scheduled in the day. Your day just sort of follows the flow of what is happening with your child at that moment. Thankfully, today was a good day for Aleli. She wasn't too fussy and was in a pretty good eat/play/sleep routine. But I can imagine days when a child may be sick, cranky, over-tired, and just not in a good mood. When things go wrong with your child, your entire day goes wrong.

This free-flowing day is in sharp contrast with a normal work day in which there are set times for work to start, eating lunch, appointments, meetings, deadlines, etc. There is a time to do something, it gets done, and you move on. But during days at home, the question constantly runs in the back of my mind, "What should I do now? What should I do next?"

I found myself jumping from small task to small task - dishes, straightening the house, feed Aleli, help her get settled, call the bank, make more formula, check the mail, change a diaper. This sort of ongoing mini-task attack continued all day. By noon, I realized that I had not showered. Then by 3pm, I debated to myself about whether or not I really needed to shower today. Finally, but 4:30 when Kellye came home, I jumped in the shower and put on relatively clean clothes (ie, no spit up stains).

In short, I gained a new level of respect for stay at home parents today. Like I said, I always knew it was a respectable job, but I felt like today I experienced a little bit more. It wasn't my first day home with Aleli alone, and it won't be my last, but it was day in which I intentionally recognized the unique challenges of the job of being a stay at home parent.

However, I also gained a deep envy for those parents who get to stay at home with their children. Aleli and I shared some special moments today such as going to the store, laughing with each other, sitting and watching the snow melt, laying on the floor "playing." I can only imagine that these experiences together will only get better as she gets older and interacts more. I absolutely love these times together, and I fear that they will go by way too quickly. And so I am doing my best to cherish and value my days as a stay at home parent, and I have the utmost envy for those folks who have the privilege of doing this every day.

Yeah, its tough. But its certainly beautiful.

Perspective Change

2011-12-13T23:46:00.000-05:00

I went with a group of high students to an indoor high ropes course today. The students are from the school at which I have been interning this year, and they are each dealing with serious mental and behavior health issues. The high ropes course is another opportunity for the students to practice and learn coping skills, peer support, and self-reflection.

The students climbed a ladder, about 30 feet into the air, and the first challenge was to walk across a beam, about 16 feet, to another platform. I was standing on the crowd, trying to offer encouragement. As one male student approached the beam, he said, "I can't do it! This is a nightmare! I can't wake up! I'm going to die!"

I shouted up at him, "It's ok! You'l be fine. Just don't look down; look straight ahead, and walk across."

"Just walk across."

It's just that easy right? Well yeah, for me, as I stand on the ground looking up. It really does seem just that easy.

A few minutes later, I had climbed the ladder and was standing on a platform 30 feet in the air, and I was faced with the challenge of walking across the beam. I was scared. I don't like heights. I had to really focus. I didn't want to fall, and I didn't want to test the strength of the safety harness I was wearing.

My perspective had changed. It wasn't so easy to "just walk across." It was actually really difficult!

When working with students, I often say things like, "Just go to class" or "Just give your homework a try" or "Just control your anger."

"Just control your anger" - It's just that simple, right?

Well, from my perspective, "on the ground," it seems that way. But from the perspective of the student, the challenge in front of them is something very difficult. It's hard to overcome. It takes focus, determination, and overcoming fears.

I was reminded today to keep in mind the power of a perspective change. Would it be so easy for me to "just go to class" if I was dealing with the same problems my students are dealing with?

I need to keep this perspective change in mind throughout my entire day, not just when I am helping students. Whether it is driving on the highway, talking with family members, or even strangers in the store, a perspective change is a powerful thing.

Ironically, I've been talking this week with students about "empathy," a good definition of which is simply "putting your self in another person's shoes."

A change of perspective. It's just that easy.

New Family Website

2011-12-11T10:57:00.001-05:00

For the past three months I've used this blog to post updates and pictures of Aleli and news from our family. But I also like to use this blog to post my personal thoughts on faith, politics, and life in general.

So as not to confuse the two, I've created a new family website, called "Schro Fam Fun", and you can get to it through this link:

http://schrofam.tumblr.com.

Feel free to check back here, if you are interested. But Kellye and I both will try to post more "family" stuff on the new website! Enjoy!

When there's nothing left to say or do

2011-12-09T10:50:00.001-05:00

Aleli is now 3 months old, and Kellye and I continually reflect on all of the many things for which we are grateful. The week of Thanksgiving was spent with many family members, including my siblings who flew into town from all over the world. We sort of had a 3-day-Thanksgiving-celebration, spent at different houses, eating great food every day, and really enjoying being together, as well as sharing Aleli with everyone.

In addition to family, I have a great internship in which I am learning applicable skills and information, but is also flexible in allowing me time to be home when needed. Kellye's job gave her 12 full weeks of paid time off. We have a great community of friends who are always doing fun and interesting things. And most of all, our little girl is healthy, happy, and just so stinking amazing.

We reflect on all of these things, and we feel a deep sense of gratitude. It's easy to write about things we are thankful for, but I feel like I'm learning about a new aspect of gratitude that I haven't realized before:

True gratitude leads to deeper humility.

Kellye and I are both reciprocal givers - we like things to be equal. Many folks gave us cards and gifts for Aleli, and we were careful to write thank you cards back to all of them. We keep a sort of back-of-the-mind mental log of who gave us gifts, and we try to give gifts of equal value back to them. That's a way that we say "thank you," and its also probably a little compulsive and unhealthy, but we won't go there.

The point is, there are some people to whom you can say "thank you" and can write a card, and can even give a gift back at an appropriate time. But when you think of the whole of your life, your family, the health of your child, and a general sense of a happiness - there is nothing more to say or do.

I can't write a thank you cards to my siblings and say "thank you for being in my family!" I can't buy a nice hallmark card to send to God. All I can do is tell my family, express to God, my gratitude and thankfulness.

And once I've done that, there's nothing more to say or do. I just have to receive it, enjoy it, live in it, and be thankful. And to me, that is really humbling. I want to be able to offer something more back.

But when you are truly grateful, all you can be is grateful. There isn't anything more you can, or need to say or do.

A video from Nica

2011-11-13T20:36:00.001-05:00

The video above shows a "street ministry" event in Nicaragua. The man speaking in Julio, the national director for the Church of God in Nicaragua. The song they are singing is called "La Cocina," and it lists all the utensils in the kitchen, like "cuchara" is a spoon, and "cucharon" is a bowl, etc. Its a really fun song.

What is so great about this video, is that we taught them that song and the motions! When our team visited in June, we brought CDs of kids songs and taught them the motions. It was a hit! And they are still singing and dancing to the music. Hopefully they are continuing to use some of the other tools and lessons we taught them as well.

November Pictures

2011-11-13T20:35:00.001-05:00

Here are a few pictures from November, including those from our walk downtown this past Saturday.

Due Date

2011-11-12T00:02:00.001-05:00

Today, November 11th, is Kellye's original due date to deliver Aleli. That means Aleli is officially "full term," or as we like to say, she's now zero!

It's hard to believe that Aleli has been with us for two months, and even harder to believe that Kellye could still be pregnant or in labor right now. We never expected this to be our path, but as we've come to realize, this is the "hand we've been dealt," per say, and we wouldn't want it to be any other way.

Most importantly Aleli is very healthy. At her pediatric appointment yesterday, she weighed 6 lbs 12 ozs and her doctor was impressed with her strength and growth. We are deeply grateful that she is healthy, and we know there are many reasons and possibilities for health concerns. But more than that, we know her life is in God's hands, from the day she was born and for the rest of her life.

We took the time to do some "studio" pictures today (just at JC Penny, no big deal) but here are some of the shots. It felt like an appropriate celebration that Aleli is finally zero!!

After the bath...

2011-10-28T16:32:00.000-04:00

...we took some fun photos....

Joe

2011-10-26T23:40:00.002-04:00

In May of 2010, I stopped at McDonald's before work to indulge in a breakfast burrito and Sausage McMuffin. As I walked back to my scooter, a guy came out of the trees and asked for a few bucks to buy breakfast. I told him I'd gladly pay for his food if he wanted to walk back inside with me, and he did. As we stood at the counter waiting for his meal, I gave him my cell number and told him to call me if he needed anything.

That was the start of an up and down "friendship" in which Joe would call me every few months, always in a new state of emergency. For the first few months, my friends and I really tried to help him out. We gave him clothes, hygiene items, and hundreds of dollars for food, rent, paperwork, and transportation. We were doing our best to be generous. We also spent time hanging out. He came to our cohort gatherings, and we watched the NBA playoffs together.

Later, we found out that Joe had a serious drug problem, and he had been in and out of rehab and jail for most of his adult life. He had several warrants out for his arrest for crimes such as drug possession and DUIs, all in various counties around central Ohio. As I would pick Joe up from the various gas stations and drive him around town to get food or cigarettes, I learned more about the judicial system from the standpoint of the convicted than any class could ever teach me.

I tried to form a meaningful friendship with Joe. I went to church with him in his home neighborhood and I met his pastor. He helped me with some simply outdoor work around my house. He met some members of my family, and I knew his girlfriend. We sat around a fire late one night, eating s'mores and drinking lite beers, just talking about past girlfriends, mistakes we had made, and goals for the future.

For most of the year and a half that I knew Joe, he was in prison. I visited him twice, and wrote to him frequently. Letters from prison are humbling to receive and more difficult to write. The last time I saw Joe, I picked him up from prison more than 2 hours away, at 8am in the morning. We drove back to Columbus, talking about how things were going to be different, what his plan was, and how I could help in practical ways, as well as just being a good friend.

That was August 6th. It was the last day I saw Joe. It was also the last day Joe was alive. I learned today that late in the night of August 6th, Joe overdosed while hanging out with old buddies.

I learned a lot from Joe. He and I met at a time in my life when I was considering what I wanted to do for a career, and I was starting to consider social work. Talking to Joe was challenging, and he was someone who was a "burden on the system" in every classic sense. He only knew how to ask for help from other people, and he didn't know how to help himself in any real way. He was a homeless addict and a convict. But I believe that, in his heart, he was a good guy.

When I would hang out with Joe, I saw all of the problems of "the system" in person, right before my eyes. But I also was filled with a desire to help him in any way I could. And the more we hung out, the more I learned about human behavior, the patterns of an addict, and the social welfare system. I don't think the system works all that great, but I'm not sure its the fault of the system. Its a complex challenge, trying to change human nature and revert decades of addictive behavior. In the end, all you can do is love someone, regardless of what they do with the money you give them.

I thankful for Joe, and I'll always remember him as my friend.

First week at home

2011-10-25T20:06:00.000-04:00

Aleli has been home with us for over a week now, and things are going very well. The first few days we were very nervous, as I'm sure most new parents are. Even when we had the time to sleep, it was difficult to sleep because we were concerned about Aleli. However, we have been able to relax a bit more over the past few days, and now we are just really enjoying having our family at home.

Aleli still struggles a bit with eating, but she is getting better. She has to really focus to swallow, and so when she burps it is really confusing (the food is coming up now?!? What??!?) For about 5 days, every time we fed her she would stop breathing at least once, and we would have to wait, pat her back, and help her catch her breath. But thankfully, that is happening less and less now. Those moments can be very scary for us, as we slowly watch her color fade and her eyes get bigger, even though we know she will catch her breath eventually.

She saw her pediatrician last Wednesday, and her doctor was very impressed with her progress. She thought that Aleli looked very healthy and she said repeatedly that we were very blessed to have such a healthy preemie baby. Today, Aleli passed her second eye exam and she doesn't have to return for one year! Tomorrow a nurse will visit our house to make sure everything is going well. Hopefully, after a few more days the doctor's visits and appointments will settle down.

I have been taking some time off of my internship, and Kellye is scheduled to return to teaching the second week of December. Today we took our first walk outside as a new family - myself, Kellye, Darsi and Aleli in her stroller. It was a bit surreal, but really beautiful too.

I'm really trying to soak in these moments and not rush through them. It's easy to feel pressure to "get back to work" or "back to normal life." But then I remember that Aleli will never again be this small. We'll never have these days together again. And so I should just cherish and value the time that we can share together.

A few pics from this week:

Urgent Need in Guatemala

2011-10-21T14:11:00.000-04:00

Today we received an email from our good friends Roger and Beth Briggs, the missionaries whom we work with in Guatemala. The email said the following:

The last two days we have been getting calls and emails from Guatemala detailing needs that have arisen from 10 straight days of constant rain, coming down from the mountains to the coast. Oscar, in particular, has been deluged with calls from pastors up and down the coast pleading for help for their people. Oscar, outlined in a letter how we need $5,000 right now to purchase a long list of supplies that will help us to reach out to 400 families and several thousand children with food, bedding, medical supplies, clothing, and other necessities. The picture attached shows some of the rice that has already been purchased and prepared for distribution.Oscar, Kevin and several pastors have begun making deliveries.

As you probably know, Kellye and I visited Guatemala several times and care deeply for the people of this country. We know many of the families that are in need, and the pictures you see here are very familiar to us.

This is an immediate need, and we can provide immediate help. We would like to see our friends and loved ones come together to match our pledge. It takes very little time or effort to make a Paypal donation, or to mail a check for $10 or $20, but together we can make a significant contribution to this need. So for every dollar you send to Guatemala, we will match it! You send $10, we will send $10; $20, we will send $20; $100, we will send $100.

How much can we raise together, this weekend, to help these families in need???

Post in the comments, or send us an email to tell us how much you will donate, and we'll match it!

If you or any friends in your sphere (church or civic group) can help with this need, please send a check or do a Paypal donation to Hearts For Heaven on the website: http://www.heartsforheaven.com/

For mailed checks, send to:
Hearts For Heaven, Inc.
1264 Willow Oaks Trail
Matthews, NC 28104

Would you like a little baby with your towel?

2011-10-21T10:33:00.001-04:00

Leaving the NICU...

2011-10-18T15:17:00.000-04:00

...Coming Home.

Here are some pictures from our last couple of days in the NICU, and then of Monday afternoon coming home.

Welcome Home

2011-10-17T19:52:00.005-04:00

We are so pleased to announce that Aleli Nicole arrived home from the hospital, this afternoon around 5pm. Here is a short video that shows her trip home.

Day 35

2011-10-12T06:59:00.000-04:00

The Bible says that Noah and his family were in the ark during the flood for "40 days and 40 nights." But I don't think that Noah knew it would be that long. He just went into the ark and had to wait until the ground was dry enough to leave.

So even though on day 35, he was really close to the end of his incredible journey, he and his family didn't know it. To them, it was just another day of water, as far as they could see.

Not to be overly dramatic, but in some ways this is how Kellye and I are feeling right now. Today is no particular milestone or day of significance for Aleli. It's just another day in the NICU. And we do not know the day when she will leave, so we are just sort of stuck in limbo. Kellye said last night that it feels like a time warp. We don't have a date that we can look ahead to; all we can do is spend another day with our daughter in the hospital.

I think this is the challenge with most journeys. The beginning is exciting, novel, and full of energy. There are high and low points along the way that seem significant and cause deep reflection or great joy. At the end, you can look back and see how much you have accomplished, what you have learned, and the help you received along the way.

But then there are the slow, flat, trudging along days. The days that are routine, but you know in the back of your mind this won't be your routine forever.

Day 35 of ......... how long?

I realize this post is a little melodramatic, and I'm not looking for more sympathy. Just communicating where Kellye and I are at right now. Thankfully, a friend shared a song with me yesterday that sums up how we feel, and offers perspective for the future. See the video below:

Added Pictures

2011-10-09T20:25:00.004-04:00

This album has some older pictures of Aleli, but I added about 15 new pictures at the end. Some are very recent, showing our new room, Aleli's new bed, and pictures from this afternoon. Enjoy!

A Sunday with Aleli

2011-10-09T17:03:00.000-04:00

Our Husky Needs a New Home

2011-10-09T10:55:00.003-04:00

We are very sad to say this, but we think that Sobe needs a new home. We have been considering this for several weeks, and it is a very hard decision. However, she has been exhibiting signs of needing attention and anxiety due to the fact that we are so preoccupied with Aleli. She really needs to be walked every day (and prefers 2 or 3 walks), and we just can't give her the attention she needs right now. Also, she has trouble keeping her distance from small children and infants, and we are concerned she would bother Aleli, or worse, jump on her and hurt her.

Therefore, we are looking for a good home for Sobe. We are asking for a small adoption fee, and we are going to be selective about whom we give her to. Here is a brief description. If you are interested, please email me (schroeder.jesse@gmail.com) or call/text (614-557-5768)

Sobe is a black and white, 40 pound, female husky who is 6 years old. She is very energetic, but is also crate trained and obedient. She loves other dogs, needs to be walked every day, and prefers a yard with a fence so she can run, play, and sit outside in the snow. Sobe is spayed, is current on all her vaccinations, and is very healthy.

We are putting her up for adoption because we are bringing home our first child, and Sobe is very interested is little babies. She could be a good dog with kids, but probably not very small kids, as she likes to sniff and play a little too much.

We are only looking for a good home, and preferably people who are good with dogs, and even have other dogs in the home. She is very social and is a wonderful pet.

One Month

2011-10-08T16:07:00.003-04:00

1 month!

Today marks a full month that Aleli has been with us and in the NICU at Riverside hospital. It is still difficult for Kellye and I to comprehend that we are truly parents and that this miracle has happened much sooner and much faster than we expected. But when we step back, we see how truly blessed we are, and we continue to marvel that we really have a daughter.

2 days old

One month ago, Aleli weighed less than 3 pounds, had dry, red skin, struggled to breathe, and needed the assistance of an I.V., a breathing machine, and phototherapy. Today, she weighs over 4 pounds, needs no externals assistance to breathe, no phototherapy, no I.V., and her skin is a beautiful pink color. She has really come a long way in just a few weeks.

To celebrate her one month anniversary, Aleli decided she wanted a new kind of crib. Actually, her doctor's finally decided she was ready for a standard newborn crib. But regardless, today she will transition out of her isolette into a standard crib (I'll get pictures later this afternoon and update this blog).

As we move forward, the reality is that at any given point, Aleli is only 5 days away from being able to go home. However, during those five days, she must eat all of her food by bottle (on her own, without her feeding tube), maintain her body temperature, and have no "spells" (heart rate drop or oxygen level decrease). Right now, Aleli eats from a bottle about every other time she feeds, and sometimes she takes the whole bottle. Other times she only takes about half. The nurses and doctors continue to say they are looking for her to do more, but Kellye and I think they don't always take into account her age and her journey.

Regardless, we would ask each of you to pray that she begins to eat really well. She needs to be awake, showing signs she is ready for a bottle, and she needs to take her entire bottle during the feeding. If she begins to do this consistently, then we will really be on our way out the door!

Thank you again to everyone for your support. Your love, prayers and gifts are appreciated beyond what we can communicate through words. We know that in God's economy, he will give back to all of you in a way even more abundant than what you have given us.

A New Room

2011-10-07T16:46:00.001-04:00

Very early this morning, Aleli was moved to the "C Room" at the Riverside NICU. This is actually the room that was the original nursery but is currently only used as "overflow" or an "as needed" basis. The NICU has been very busy with new babies arriving, and so there was a need to shift some of the babies around. The staff chooses the babies that go to the "C Room" based upon those who seem to be the closest to going home. So, for Aleli to be chosen is a huge compliment! That means the staff thinks she is one of the healthiest babies and will be going home soon (which could still mean several weeks, but still).

The down side about going the the "C Room" is that it is very small. The spaces for the babies are about half the size of our previous space, and for those of you have have visited or looked closely at the pictures you know we didn't have much room before! There are no curtains, very little privacy, and just not as much space to relax and be with Aleli. However, there is an outside window so Aleli is getting some direct sunlight.

We are trying to look on the positive side, knowing that for Aleli to be in this smaller room means that she is one step closer to coming home. However, because the space is so small, we think this is really going to limit the number of visitors we can have.

I will post some new pictures soon, perhaps this evening.

Bath Time Photos

2011-10-02T21:23:00.004-04:00

Here are some pictures from Aleli's bath on Friday.

Prayes for Aleli

2011-10-02T21:14:00.002-04:00

There are a few specific things for which people can be praying for Aleli. The first, of course, is her continued growth. Every day that she eats, sleeps, digests, and grows she becomes healthier and stronger and just a little bit closer to coming home.

However, she has been exhibiting signs of stomach reflux. The "valve" from the esophagus to the stomach is not fully developed in newborns, let a lone premature newborns. Therefore, it is very common for preemies to have stomach reflux. This reflux can really bother and disturb Aleli, causing her to hold her breath (stop breathing, which drops her oxygen level), not rest very well, and not digest her food very well. Of course, these are all the things we want her to be doing to continue growing!

The doctors choose not to give any medication, as this might change the bacteria makeup in her stomach acids, but instead they do simply remedies like have the baby sleep in a more upright position. Other than that, there isn't much to do. So please, pray specifically that Aleli's reflux will not be an issue, that her food will stay in her stomach, and that she will be able to rest peacefully.

The prayers of friends and loved ones have been so crucial to Aleli's development and growth so far, and so we are turning to you for help again in this area. We greatly appreciate your prayers and intercession for Aleli.

Video

2011-10-02T09:32:00.002-04:00

This is the video that I put together for Kellye's baby shower. It shows Aleli's progress from birth to 3 weeks. It may seem a bit sad, but I think its important to see how far she has come, how hard she works every day, and how amazing she is.

The song, "Never Once" by Matt Redman, has been a tremendous encouragement to Kellye and I. This was the song I listened to while I followed behind the ambulance that was transporting Kellye to Riverside. This is one of the songs I sing to Aleli while we are hanging out in the NICU. This is one of the songs I try to remember when I'm at home, walking the dogs, missing Aleli.

Hope you enjoy the video -

Aleli is Growing!

2011-09-28T21:45:00.000-04:00

Aleli has now been with us for three weeks, and she is really making strides. As you can see from the pictures above, she is looking better every day. This week, she started to drink from a bottle, which makes her care time much more exciting. If she is awake and seems to show that she is interested, we give her a bottle and let her drink as much as she can until she gets too tired. Usually it is between 1/3 and 1/2 of her full amount.

She is also wearing clothes! Its fun to pick out "onesies" for her, and of course even though they are preemie size, they are still way to big. But she looks cut in flowers and in purple. The reason that she is wearing clothes now is because the nurses have progressively lowered the temperature in her isolate. Her bed is now only a few degrees warmer than normal room temperature, so she is learning to regulate her own body temperature.

At this point, many people are asking about when she might be able to come home. The nurses and doctors refrain from addressing this because, truthfully, anything could happen at any day (infections, not eating as well, etc.) However, we have picked up on a few important milestones. First, of course, is weight. A "ballpark" number is 3,500 grams, or about 7.5 pounds. Right now, Aleli is 3 pounds 6 ounces, or about 1575 grams. So clearly, she needs a few more wrinkles and layers of baby fat!

The other important factor is eating. Aleli needs to be able to take a full feeding by bottle or by nursing, consistently showing that she doesn't need a feeding tube to receive the nutrients she needs. That is why we try bottle feeding with her whenever she is ready. However, she is still only about 34 weeks gestational age, which is still very young to be eating on her own.

Therefore, we do not expect Aleli to come home before the end of October. Our impression is that the doctors and nurses in the NICU take it one day at a time, evaluating her progress and keeping her on track. For example, today a nutritionist examined her weight, deciding whether or not to increase her calorie intake. All of these numbers are closely calculated and decisions are made each day, even every hour, as to what the best care is for Aleli. When she is big enough, and eating on her own, the nurses will tell us to get ready for her to go home. At that point, it is only a few days, and things move very quickly. But for now, we just watch her grow.

Ironically, there is a lot to do when you are just watching a preemie grow! Every day at the hospital we are meeting with nurses, doctors, consultants and therapists. Each person has a certain speciality, and each person has another important area they want to discuss with Kellye and I. Meanwhile, we try to hold Aleli between 3 and 6 hours a day, skin to skin. In between holdings, we are working on bottle feeding, nursing, and of course changing her diaper and clothes as needed, just like we would with any baby.

We are so thankful for her continued growth, for the wonderful support at the hospital, and for the prayers and gifts from friends and family. We have truly been blessed these past three weeks. More than anything, we are blessed with a new little baby girl who is growing more every day!

Bottle Time

2011-09-25T10:09:00.001-04:00

Aleli has started to learn to drink from a bottle. Previously to this, she received all her food (milk plus supplement) through a feeding tube that went through her mouth into her stomach. However, she is now at 33 weeks gestational age, and at this age babies learn the "sucking" reflex. In the womb, she would be sucking on her fingers, toes, knees, or anything she could get in her mouth. In the "outside" world, she is learning to suck on a pacifier.

It's been amazing to see the change in Aleli. Last week, we would put the pacifier in her mouth, she would maybe hold it there for a few seconds, and then it would fall out. This week, she goes to town! The nurses see this as a "cue" that she is ready to try bottle feeding. So on Friday morning at 11am, Aleli tried her first bottle with her nurse. We got to the hospital just as she was finishing up, but she did really well for a first try! She took about 10 milliliters, or about a third of her normal feeding amount. I fed her at 2pm, and Kel fed her at 5pm (see the pictures below), and each time she took between 5-10mls.

Feeding through a bottle is really tough for a preemie! Aleli has to think about sucking on the bottle, then think about swallowing the milk she gets, all the while remembering to breathe. At one point while I was feeding her, she stopped breathing and turned purple really fast! It was scary for a moment, but the nurse was near by, picked her up quickly, rubbed her back, and she started breathing again. Apparently this is common for preemies as they learn to bottle feed. The coordination of suck/swallow/breathe is difficult, and sometimes they get stuck.

So we try to encourage her to bottle feed, and whatever she doesn't get through the bottle is given to her through her feeding tube. Her feeding tube is now going through her nose to allow her to get her mouth around a bottle. However, the tube in her nose really annoys her! She sneezes a lot, and when she breathes the tube goes in and out a bit. She also grabs on the tube and pulls a bit. In fact, yesterday she pulled the tube right out!

However, this allowed her the chance to take a bottle without her tube in the way, and she did amazingly well! She took almost the entire 1 oz. by bottle, which is really great for only her second day. Later in the night, she only took about 10mls, so they had to put the feeding tube back in, but we are encouraged because she showed us that she can take a full bottle, we just have to continue to give her time.

I've Got No Strings

2011-09-21T21:43:00.003-04:00

Yesterday Aleli lost her umbilical cord. And later in the evening, her nurse took a few pictures of her without her feeding tube. You can get more of a glimpse of her beautiful face! (Not her best picture, and the colors are pretty weird because of the nurse's camera, and then I had to scan it to my computer, but you get the idea!)

Thinking about Aleli without "strings" made me think of this classic Pinoccio song:

Holding my little girl

2011-09-19T23:32:00.003-04:00

When we do "kangaroo care" with Aleli, we hold her up high on our chest, and honestly it is tough to see her face. But last night, I bundled her up and held her in my lap and just looked at her for a bit. She rested peacefully, and every now and then halfway opened one eye, giving me what I call the "stink eye."

I'm not sure what else to say, other than "I held my little girl." It's an experience beyond words. The miracle of life is something that if I sit down and think about it for too long, I feel I might go crazy. Somehow, that little person came from me?

Thankfully, I have the rest of my life and hers to try to wrap my head around it all. But really, I don't think I'll ever be able to. And so just like last night, there isn't much I can do but simply hold her. And in the future, "holding her" might mean walking her to school, or driving her to the movies, or helping her through a difficult time.

But, as I sing to her while we sit in the dark and quiet room in the NICU, I will always be there to hold her.

On the Receiving End

2011-09-19T23:26:00.001-04:00

For most of my life I have been in the position of being able to give to others. Giving time, giving money, giving love and support to those who are in need. But these past two weeks, Kellye and I have been on the receiving end of enormous amounts of encouragement from friends and family. This has prompted me to realize a few things:

First, it is very humbling to receive gifts from people! We have received valuable gifts of time, food, service and simply money from people we would have never expected. Even more significantly, we continue to hear from people that they are praying for us and for Aleli. It is an extremely humbling experience for two people such as Kel and myself, two people who try to be strong, self-sufficient and capable at all times.

We are accustomed to being the ones who give, and when you give, you are actually in power. But right now, we are weak and we are in need. That's hard to admit, but its easier when friends and family show support in a loving way. That feeling of being cared for, loved, and knowing that you are not alone is a very unique experience.

Second, I am realizing the real value of a meal. We have received several meals, some cooked, some picked up from fast food, some brought fresh to our house specific to our order from our favorite restaurant. These meals are so important to us right now! There is something special about eating food that was prepared out of love and concern. Furthermore, it is saving us so much time and money. Some nights, we come home from the NICU around 9pm or later, and its a blessing to have dinner already simmering in the crockpot. And we haven't had to go to the store in 2 weeks! (Of course one week we were in the hospital, so....)

Because I now realize the importance of these meals, I told Kellye tonight that I always want to help others out in this way when they are in need. I used to think it wasn't a big deal, but now I realize how important providing a simply meal for someone can be.

Finally, Kellye and I are continually in awe at the beauty and joy of being in God's big family and God's great kingdom. We are blessed with so many friends from years of shared experiences in God's kingdom, and there support means that much more because we know it comes from the heart of God. I believe that the value of the gift is more than the gift itself, simply because it is given. Or, in other words, a $20 meal brought to our house is worth many times more than $20, because it was brought to our house during our time of need.

So, I am humbled. I am full of good food. And I'm loving life in God's big family.

More recent pictures

2011-09-18T12:11:00.001-04:00

A variety of pictures, some with Aleli and Kel's family. These are from Friday and Saturday.

Looking back, looking ahead

2011-09-18T10:04:00.002-04:00

My little girl has come so far in just a little more than a week! Today, Aleli is 11 days old (in this world) and about 32 and a half weeks old (gestational age). You can see from the pictures that she has made incredible progress, and we are so proud of her.

Friday morning, 1 day old

She started out with a CPAP breathing mask to help her lungs, and an IV to give her extra nutrients. After just a few days, she needed to go on phototherapy to help decrease her bilirubin levels. When we look back at those pictures now, from just a few days ago, it is rather intense for us.

Under the phototherapy lights. Notice how red and leathery her skin is.

Now, Aleli is breathing on her own and is taking all of her food through her feeding tube. No IV and no breathing mask! This is an even bigger relief for her. She can focus on breathing, sleeping, and of course, pooping! Her skin is hydrated and with a better color (although everyone comments that she is still a bit red). She is opening her eyes more, making eye contact, looking around, and my oh my does she love to stretch!

Saturday

Most importantly, because she has fewer cables and wires, we can hold her whenever we want. We do skin-to-skin for about 4-5 hours a day, and often we wrap her up in her blanket and hold her in our arms where we can see her face a little more.

It's really amazing how much progress a little baby can make in just a week. We can't wait to see how much she will grow and progress in the weeks to come.

Frown face

Feed Me!

2011-09-17T23:31:00.002-04:00

Aleli was tugging on her feeding tube today, as if to say to her nurse, "Hey! Come on! Feed me!" Our sweet little girl gained about 40 grams today, or about an ounce. Putting her at 2 lbs, 14 oz., still an ounce below her birth weight, but getting into the growing game pretty quickly!

"Feed me!"

When boring is good

2011-09-16T10:09:00.000-04:00

Aleli has had several large milestones in the past week: Seeing her assisted oxygen levels go down, taking off her CPAP breathing mask, slowing increasing her feed amounts, taking out her IV, no more tape on her face, and her first bath!

But now, we are moving into time when there won't be very many milestones. Every day the nurses will check her weight, and the hope is that pretty soon she will gain about 30 grams, or an ounce a day. They are continuing to give her any milk that Kellye is able to offer, and make up the difference with donor milk. In addition, they are mixing in a powder supplement that adds a few calories and extra calcium.

That's about all the excitement we are hoping for. Eat, sleep, pee, poop, repeat.

When you are watching a preemie baby grow, sometimes boring is good.

Feet

2011-09-15T20:14:00.000-04:00

I think one of the cutest things to do with newborns is to get their footprints. Aleli has such tiny feet, and I was very eager to get her footprint. The nurses said they don't allow handprints just yet because the babies are stretching their hands and touching their wires a lot, and the ink may carry bacteria.

But last night, I'm guessing just before she had her first bath, Aleli's nurse put her footprints on a card. We saw them this morning, and they are so cute.

To give you an idea of just how small her feet are, I did another scan with a quarter.

Mother & Child

2011-09-15T00:34:00.002-04:00

Having a good day

2011-09-14T13:25:00.001-04:00

Lots of things to be thankful for today. Things are going well, so I'll share a little update.

Aleli continues to grow and get stronger. She is handling her food well (she is fed through a tube in her mouth down to her stomach), and digesting most of what she is given. Yesterday the nurses took off her CPAP breathing mask, so we got to see her beautiful face! She continues to breathe well and have good oxygen levels. If all stays the same, they will take out her IV tonight, so all she will have is her feeding tube and her monitoring wires! She is already proving to be a strong-willed, tough little girl. Clearly taking after her mom.

Speaking of Kel, she is having a good day as well. I called the hospital and was able to refund the $100 for the childbirth class we had scheduled for October. We thought that class would be sort of useless now, and nothing makes Kel happier than getting money.

This morning she received an email from a teacher friend whom she worked with at the bilingual school. The teacher said that she had received the long-term sub position for Kellye's classroom. This is great news for Kel because she knows and trusts this teacher, and Kellye is very concerned about having to leave her class in such a rush. When she heard about her sub she said, "only God could have arranged that!" I could visibly see the stress fall off of her as she finally knew she didnt have to worry about her classroom.

Kel saw her doctor, and things are ok. We'll go back weekly for a bit, but no major concerns. We caught a quick but very tasty lunch at First Watch, and now (as I blog) she is being pampered with a mani-pedi, thanks to a great Groupom deal!

So, today things are going well. We aware that things could change very quickly, and that there are bumps and hurdles ahead. But today, we are enjoying a good day.

Nicknames

2011-09-13T23:24:00.001-04:00

Everyone loves fun nicknames. Here are a few we have come up with this week.

"Scuba"

We think she looks like a scuba diver.

"Dainty"

Look at her all fancy with her little finger out to the side.

"Beast"
I don't think it shows up in any of her pictures, but Aleli has little "fur" on her shoulder and back. She looks like Beast from X-men

"Milk man"

That's me. For a baby, it's all about the food. I bring the bottles of milk to the nurses, so I dubbed myself the milk man.

I also like to call Aleli things like "sweet pea," "little girl," "leli-loo" or just "smalls."

New pics of Aleli

2011-09-13T23:20:00.001-04:00

I also added a few more B&W pics to this album

Thank You

2011-09-13T08:10:00.004-04:00

Kellye and I arrived home last night just before 1am, after spending 5 full days in the hospital. We were tired, to say the least. But we were welcomed home by a clean house (probably the cleanest its been since we moved in!), flowers everywhere, meals prepared, a stocked refrigerator, and cookies on the counter. We felt blessed, loved, and very grateful.

This is just one example of the great love our friends and family have exhibited toward us over the past few days, and I wanted to communicate to you all how thankful we are. Due to the severity of Kellye's recovery, and our desire to be in the NICU with Aleli, we have had to limit the number of visitors while at the hospital. Its hard to tell close friends "No, stay away." In truth, we want to see you all! We want to throw a big party with everyone we know and proclaim, "We are parents!! We have a daughter!!"

But since we can't do that yet, we are going through the motions of tracking meds, following Aleli's progress in detail, signing paperwork, and looking ahead to the future. Each and every one of you has been so supportive, so prayerful, such beautiful examples of God's great family of love - and again, we are nothing but thankful.

I especially want to thank our parents, Marc, Mary, Tim and Twyla. They have showed up at the hospital in less than an hour when we texted and said, "Hungry! Dinner! Now!" They have stayed away when we said, "Sorry, no visitors." They have visited Aleli and loved her deeply, even though we won't let them hold her yet :) We couldn't do this without them, and we only hope that we will live up to their great example of parenthood.

So, once again, and I'm sure I'll say it a thousand times again - Thank you.

Recovering

2011-09-11T19:52:00.000-04:00

We are recovering from quite a bit. Kellye is recovering from major surgery. We are both recovering from the shock of the events, the speed of the progression of her sickness and the severity of her condition. Most of all, we are recovering from the realization that we are parents two months sooner than we expected. There are so many things we had planned to research, learn about, purchase, put together and get settled in the two months before Aleli was born. And now she is here.

We are grateful and happy that both Kellye and Aleli are healthy, safe, and in the process of recovery. But the process of recovery is long. And the experience of recovery includes pain, hard work, questions, and just flat out tough days sometimes.

Today was a tough day for Kel. Her blood pressure continued to stay high, which is a concern to the doctor. She was given an IV port, but then had an allergic reaction and her entire arm turned red! During this time, I was visiting Aleli, trying to get some good "daddy-daughter bonding" time in. This left Kel alone with nurses, food service, doctors, and others coming in every 15 minutes to poke, prod and question. Furthermore, this is her third day since labor, which tends to be when the "post-partum downside" begins to set in. So when I finally put Aleli back in her bed, I checked my phone and had a text from Kel that said "Come back. I need a hug."

Thankfully, we have had a good afternoon and early evening together. Kel's mom was super-helpful and delivered our dinner order (Panera!). Our friends Scot and Mary visited me while I was with Aleli, and so they were able to get a few good photos. These pictures are Kellye's inspiration while she is in her hospital room, and she really enjoyed seeing me looking like a dad.

Also, we know that we have wonderful friends supporting us from afar. Your prayers, messages of support, and love are felt every day. Yeah, today was a little tough, and we know the recovery process is going to be long and even more difficult at times. But, we have each other. We have our family. And we have the help of God with us every moment. And we are moving forward.

Aleli Update

2011-09-10T14:50:00.002-04:00

Now that the reality of being new parents 2 months before our expected due date is sinking in, I thought we could share some of the information about Aleli's health. Thankfully it is all fairly positive right now.

You will see from the pictures below that she is in the NICU at Riverside Hospital. This hospital is known for it's excellent care of babies, and the medical staff has assured us repeatedly that 30-week-old premie babies develop and grow to be strong and healthy infants. Aleli has her own designated "bed" and "spot" in the NICU, and we can visit whenever we like, as well as bring in family and friends. After washing our hands, we can put our hands in to touch her, speak to her, and even (with the nurses help) hold her.

Aleli was born at 30 weeks and 6 days. At this gestational stage, the main concern is lung development. Before she delivered, Kel received steroid shots that are meant to stimulate the lung growth of the baby. Aleli has a breathing machine called a C-PAP, and this provides a continuous airflow to keep her air sacs inflated and her lungs getting stronger. When she first was on the C-PAP, Aleli was receiving 60% oxygen through her breathing tube. Normal air that we breathe is 21% oxygen. After just two days, Aleli was brought down to only 22%, basically getting the same oxygen from the air that we get. She might stay on the C-PAP for several days to a week, but this is totally normal for her age.

All of the other wires she is hooked up to seem pretty complicated, but basically they are for two things: feeding and monitoring. She has an IV that gives her nutrients continually. She has a feeding tube, which is a tube that goes through her mouth into her stomach. And she has various wires connected that monitor her oxygen levels, heart rate, breathing rate, etc. All of this makes for a very intense picture at first - a very little baby with very many wires coming out of her! But really, Aleli is right on track for her growth and development. She just has to finish it in a NICU bed rather than in the womb :)

There are a few small concerns, or areas to watch her development. The IV is one concern, because if the nurses have to continually give her a new IV because they wear out, they run out of places to stick such a tiny child! Eventually, they may have to use a vein in her head, which sounds intense, but they say is very normal. But please pray that her IVs will start to last longer than 24 hours so she doesn't have to get poked any more :)

The other area to watch is her eating and digesting. They are giving her tiny amounts of breast milk through her feeding tube and watching how much she digests and then passes. The more she can digest and pass herself, the better!

Finally, she does have some jaundice and discolored skin. You'll notice in the pictures that she looks almost "sun burned." Thus, in the later pictures, she is under a bright bluish light. They call this phototherapy, and it is to help with jaundice and skin discoloration. It kinda makes it feel like she is on another planet sometimes, but at least the bright light helps to get some good pictures :)

The bottom line is that we have a healthy daughter. Yes, she will have to spend 5-7 weeks (at least) in the NICU until she is strong enough to come home with us. But all of her nurses and doctors assure us that there is no reason to be concerned; she is growing and developing on schedule with her age, and she will be a healthy baby.

We are deeply, deeply grateful. God has been so good to us. There are dozens of moments that we could recount over the past 3 days in which we saw God's hand of favor directing, guiding, and blessing us. Kellye's doctors are the best, and they helped her through a time when she was very sick. Riverside is a wonderful hospital, and they are taking great care of our daughter. Our little girl is beautiful, healthy and strong. We couldn't ask for anything more.

Tiny Fingers, Tiny Toes

2011-09-10T14:14:00.003-04:00

Some early pictures of Aleli Nicole

Dad in a Day

2011-09-08T17:26:00.001-04:00

24 hours ago, Kellye and I were enjoying dinner together at home, with absolutely no idea what the next day held in store. At her doctor's appointment earlier that afternoon, Kellye's blood pressure was a little high, so her doctor spoke with her about preclampsia. Basically, high blood pressure caused by the pregnancy can lead to many complications and therefore must be monitored closely.

So when Kellye felt some sharp abdominal pain around 8pm, she called the emergency hotline who reported the symptoms to her doctor, who in turn recommended we go to the hospital for tests and further evaluation.

At Dublin Methodist Hospital, we had a wonderful nurse who helped with blood work, and around 2am we got the news from Kellye's doctor: She was very sick, with a form of preclampsia called "helps" (not sure of spelling). The doc recommended we try to keep Kellye healthh for 48 hours before delivering the baby, but regardless, we were going to have a premie birth.

Two important facts we didn't know at the time: 1) Preclampsia is the number one cause of death in pregnant women, other than car crashes. It is VERY serious. 2) Premie babies are fully viable at 30 weeks, which is where Aleli is at in her development. The lungs are weak and underdeveloped, as is everything overall, but with good neonatal care, a 30 week old birth is no problem.

Because of the high risk we were transfered to Riverside Methodist which specializes in these type of births. The team of doctors worked closely together, and at 8am unanimously decided that it was time for a C-section. This was Kellye's first time, EVER, as a patient in a hospital, so she was nervous and frightened. But she did amazingly! The surgery was successful; things looked bad and the docs agreed the c-section was the right call; but mom and baby were safe and healthy.

Now, at 5:30pm, Kel is resting and enjoying her pain meds :) Aleli was born at 8:58am, weighing only 2 lbs. 15 ozs. But her nurses say she is just fine, and showing great signs of strength. I am receiving dozens of calls, texts and emails from loving friends and family.

And I got to touch ny daughter's hand. I watched her blow spit bubbles. I heard her cry. I saw her 10 fingers and 10 toes.

24 hours ago, I had no idea that today, I would be a dad.

A strange night

2011-09-05T20:14:00.001-04:00

All of my plans fell through this evening. Nothing really major, but I planned to work a few part-time hours, make a conference call, and even tried to make an online purchase. And somehow or another, none of those things happened. But, what is happening is the first cool evening of the season, down into the 60's. So I made a fire, caught the sun bursting through the clouds, and called a good friend to come over. Still a good night, even if it wasn't what I originally planned.

Our big news...

2011-08-31T21:40:00.000-04:00

...in case you didn't already know.

We have told most of our friends and family in person or over the phone, or somehow the information has leaked out. But we have not made an "internet official" statement yet.

Kellye and I are expecting our first child, a little girl. Her name is Aleli Nicole, and she is expected to arrive on November 11th (which would be 11.11.11, in case you didn't catch that).

The photos above are from our trip to Michigan in July, when Kellye was about four and half months pregnant, and then the ultrasound from July 5th, in which Aleli is smiling and waving.

My first reflection regarding Aleli is that we are incredibly blessed. We decided toward the end of last summer, 2010, to stop using any sort of "family planning," and just "see what would happen." We knew full well that it takes many couples years to get pregnant, and that there are always possibilities of complications. However, by February, Kel was starting to feel a little queasy all the time, and by the middle of March, we knew she was pregnant.

Both Kellye and I have deep fears regarding having a child. I have spent the last few years of my career working with children with pervasive developmental disabilities, and my frame of reference for what is a "healthy" child is rather skewed. We were both afraid of the many scary possibilities that come along with having a baby.

But, thankfully, Kellye has had a textbook pregnancy. Aleli is growing on schedule; she appears to be healthy; and she is giving Kellye all the typical problems that come along with a pregnancy: heartburn, swelling feet, exhaustion, and that ever-present "pregnant glow" :) But once again, more than anything I want to communicate my deep sense of gratitude and awareness of the blessing this new life is.

Beyond that, all I can say right now is that I have no idea what is ahead of us. We are trying to read, research, ask the right questions and gather the information, but there is only so much you can do. Ultimately, you just have to wait for the due date. We are both still swinging back and forth between feeling really excited, really nervous, and really freaked out. Just tonight, Kellye said, "I mean, a person growing inside of you! That is really creepy...or miraculous, depending on how you look at it." That about says it right now!

Heaven, Hell, Chan & Bell (Part Three)

2011-08-27T11:39:00.000-04:00

It's been a few weeks since I started blogging about Rob Bell and Francis Chan's books regarding heaven and hell, and I've since been distracted with some other really good reading. However, there are a few points about Chan's book that have been sitting in the back of my head that I really wanted to get down.

First, the name of Chan's book, "Erasing Hell," says a lot to me. Rob Bell wrote a book about "Heaven, Hell and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived." His book is not just about hell. But when Chan writes a response, he focuses on Bell's depiction of hell. There is no response to Bell's understanding of heaven or the afterlife in general.

In my opinion, this reflects a serious flaw in Evangelica theology, namely focusing on God's judgment rather than God's grace. If our starting point is the reality and danger of hell, then our theology will be constructed around avoiding this punishment. When hell is the catalyst for faith, the result could be living and believing "just enough" so that I am "safe." For many years, I've answered questions from students where the bottom line is, "Would I go to hell for that?"

Furthermore, I think that focusing on hell reflects a broader contemporary cultural fix. Phrases like, "I'll see you in hell," or "Go to hell" are very common. We have a general understanding that bad people are punished in hell. In my opinion, "Erasing Hell" only furthers this misconception of God's kingdom. God's relationship with humanity does not start with a threat of eternal punishment, but rather with an open invitation to partake in the divine life. Our theology must start with God's unconditional love, constant pursuit of humanity, and patient kindness. This is what makes the Christian God unique, compelling, and transformative. As Paul says it Romans, "It is God's kindness that leads us to repentance." In my opinion, simply by naming the book "Erasing Hell," Chan and Sprinkle betray that they are focusing and emphasizing the wrong things, both in Bell's book and in their theology in general.

The second, very important point, that I wanted to mention in this final post is Sprinkle's explanation of first century Jewish understanding of hell. In chapter two, Sprinkle and Chan offer a more historically accurate picture of Jesus, specifically the theological context of first century Judaism. They state, "Jesus was a first-century Jew, so we need to leave behind all our Jesuses that have been refashioned and reshaped by our own cultural biases" (pg. 49). Right on! This is a worthy task, but one that is far more difficult that Sprinkle and Chan allow for in their book. Furthermore, they look at primarily one collection of sources that offers a very distorted picture of first century Judaism.

In a footnote, Sprinkle explains that "this chapter is going to dig into the wild and complicated world of Second Temple Judaism...using the translations and dates of the Jewish literature from...[the Pseudepigrapha]...the Apocrypha...[and] the Dead Sea Scrolls" (pg. 63). It is great to see Evangelicals using this sources to expand their understanding of Jesus' religious and social context. However, I don't feel that Sprinkle does an appropriate job communicating just how deeply complicated this literature is! Second Temple Judaism is a very complex time, filled with various religious and social factions of Jews and Gentiles. Literature from these sources (the Pseudepigrapha, Dead Sea Scrolls, and the Apocrypha) are extremely complex, multi-layered, and far from representative of the culture as a whole. The reason these sources are extant is because they were preserved by extremist factions of scribes, such as the Essenes. These men were not your typical Jew. They lived in secluded communities, dedicated their lives to copying and preserving texts, and still, only single copies of these manuscripts have remained, and many of them have a very small percentage that can be read because of deterioration.

Furthermore, Evangelical Christians would hardly take the Pseudepigrapha, the Dead Sea Scrolls, or the Apocrypha to be authoritative! But Sprinkle and Chan quote these texts in their book as if they are quoting Scripture, which in my opinion is misleading and poor scholarship. Sprinkle quotes writings such as 4 Ezra, 2 Baruch, 1 Enoch, 4 Maccabees and others that I can't even tell from Sprinkles abbreviations!! (for example, L.A.B. or Ascen.) The reader can find these sources by looking carefully at the endnotes, but they are not clearly cited within the chapter, and I don't feel that Sprinkle does a fair job explaining to the reader exactly who these sources are. To say that quotes from the Pseudepigrapha are representative of the beliefs of Jews in the first century is to say that a quote from a Tea Party member is representative of Americans in the 21st Century.

This is not to say that by looking at apocryphal literature cannot expand our understanding of Judaism. Rather, this literature shows us the complexity, nuance and polarization of beliefs about the afterlife, the kingdom of God, and the reign of the messiah. But Sprinkle and Chan do not use the quotes referring to hell in this way. They pick and choose a small selection of quotes from a wide variety of very difficult, apocryphal texts, and hold them up as proof that Jesus believed in hell. Frankly, this is poor scholarship.

I know that I have significantly criticized "Erasing Hell." On a positive note, the book is a simple and concise summary of what some Evangelicals and some Christians have believed about hell for many years. However, the thing to keep in mind is that "Erasing Hell" is one perspective, one approach, and on understanding of hell. Even Sprinkle himself admits that he is uncertain as to whether or not hell is eternal or temporary. He says that the biblical witness is complex, and perhaps there is reason to believe that hell will not last forever. What a confession and an indication that the topic of hell is not a "case closed" situation.

In the end, as always, we have a choice. What will we choose to believe about God, heaven and hell? We always have a choice - to believe in a God that loves unconditionally and will stop at nothing to achieve the redemption of the world, or a God who is constrained by self-imposed judgments and relies upon eternal punishment of the sort that disgusts even evil humans. Our choice matters, because it determines how we will live and how we will love. Do we love God for saving us from hell, or for bringing us into the divine life? Do we love other people because we don't want them to burn forever, or because we believe that the fullest expression of the kingdom of God is one that includes all people?

These are important questions, and this choice is very important. More than anything, I think its important to realize that we do have a choice. We do not have to be constrained by our own theology, locked into our old ways of understanding heaven and hell. I appreciate Bell's work because he throws open the windows and the doors of the church and says, "Look! There is more out there! Look at the possibilities!"

We have a choice, and I choose to believe in the possibilities of God, including the possibility that all heaven and earth will one day be redeemed.

Words to Live By

2011-08-25T15:20:00.001-04:00

It's so easy for me to want to "dream big" and get caught up in ideas about the future. But the best things are right in front of my eyes. Like the clouds dotting the blue sky, the love of my family and friends, and music on the radio. The best moment of my life is the one that I am living right now.

Kentucky Pics

2011-08-04T17:29:00.000-04:00

Spending a few days in Louisville with Kel's family. Some fun pics:

Thorough Bread

Louisville Sluggers

Heaven, Hell, Chan & Bell (Part Two)

2011-08-04T10:41:00.000-04:00

In my first post regarding the "Rob Bell, Love Wins" controversy, I offered my response to Love Wins. I have also read Francis' Chan's "Erasing Hell." I want to say upfront that I am a fan of Francis Chan. I have followed his ministry for several years; I used to listen to his preaching podcasts; I have read Crazy Love and I recommend it to others. I like Francis Chan and respect him as a speaker, author, and individual. But I was disappointed with "Erasing Hell." Here are some of my initial reactions to the book:

First, its important to note that this book is written by Francis Chan and Preston Sprinkle. In fact, it's mostly written by Sprinkle, as Chan admits in the introduction, "Truth be told, the majority of research was done by Preston." In my opinion, Chan writes some of the opening paragraphs of each chapter, and Sprinkle's research and exegesis makes up most of the content. It also seems that Chan wrote the last chapter. It might seem that I am making a big deal out of nothing, but I think this is really important. Chan states he has the same convictions as Sprinkle, but this is primarily an exegetical book written by Preston Sprinkle with Chan's "stamp of approval" in the form of his name as co-author. For some folks, this may not be an issue, but I think it's important to know who is writing a book because the authorship influences the words and the content. I don't know Sprinkle or his work well enough to say more than that.

Second, this book is clearly a response to Rob Bell's book, Love Wins. The subtitle is "what God said about eternity, and the things we've made up," but it would be more appropriately subtitled "A Response to Rob Bell's, Love Wins," or if the publishers wanted to be a bit snippy, it could be "what God said, and what Rob Bell made up." Throughout the book, Sprinkle responds to a few modern evangelical theologians who advocate Universalism, namely Thomas Talbott and Gregory MacDonald. Interestingly, Clark Pinnock, one of the most influential evangelical in the area of Christian Universalism, is never referenced. Far more than any other text (other than the Bible), Sprinkle refers again and again to Love Wins and quotes it at length.

Again, while the authors say this is a book about "eternity," it is actually a direct response to what Love Wins says about eternity. In my opinion, there is a difference, and this difference is important. Francis Chan is a very well-respected evangelical author and pastor. When he chooses to write a book in direct response to Rob Bell, this gives Rob Bell's name a different "feel" in evangelical conversations, specifically a very bad feel. To put it simply, Chan (who everyone knows is right) says that Bell (who was previously just known as "that NOOMA guy") is wrong. The result is that more evangelicals begin to think that Bell is "wrong"or "dangerous," and if you are someone who agrees with Bell, you are also wrong and "in danger." This is very different from Bell writing a book about heaven and hell, and Chan writing a book about heaven and hell, that happen to have a different perspectives.

Something similar happened with the emergent movement. Multiple authors began writing books about how they understood postmodern Christianity. Other authors disagreed, and wrote books in direct response, clearly stating that they thought emergent authors were wrong, most notably D. A. Carson's "Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church" and DeYoung and Kluck's "Why We're Not Emergent by Two Guys Who Should Be." The result of these two books that were written with the direct purpose of stating the flaws in emergent theology was that "emergent" got a bad name in evangelical circles. The same thing is happening with Rob Bell and Love Wins.

Ironically, many people only read the books that say the other guys is wrong. In the same way that many people didn't read emergent authors, but only read why emergent authors were wrong, many evangelicals will only read Chan's book and conclude that Rob Bell is wrong. This is unfair. If you are going to read a response, you must first read the book to which the response is being written.

This is why I disagree with the Chan and Sprinkle's choice of format and their decision to respond directly to Bell. If their book simply talked about the doctrine of hell, it would not be necessary to read Bell's book. But because the book is essentially an argument against Bell, one must read Bell to be fair - but most people will not take the time to do this. The result is that Rob Bell's name is demeaned in Christian circles, and he is seen as somehow "less than evangelical" (whatever that means).

Third, some general comments about the book. While initially, it may feel like a more "academic" book, "Erasing Hell" is actually a much lighter read that "Love Wins." I read Erasing Hell in about two hours. The arguments are very simple; the Scripture verses are very familiar, and the book is very short. Not counting the introduction, the appendix and the final pages (which are an excerpt from Chan's other book), this book is 130 pgs, many of which are endnotes within each chapter. In my opinion, this book is little more than an essay about hell, written by Sprinkle, with some comments by Chan. Frankly, I was disappointed.

Fourth, I have some serious problems with the rhetoric employed by the authors. Chan/Sprinkle emphasize two points about all else: First, God can do whatever God wants, and second, the issue of hell is crucially important because it impacts the eternal destiny of real people. I do not disagree with either of these points. However, the way in which these points are used throughout the book are, in my opinion, manipulative and dangerous. For example, Chan/Sprinkle say,

"God...has every right to do, as the psalmist says, 'whatever He pleases' (Ps. 115:3). God has the right to do WHATEVER He pleases." (pg. 17).

Again, I agree. But then Chan/Sprinkle presume to write a book telling the reader what God does. For example, in the Preface, they state, "Read the Scriptures we've quoted as truth directly from the mouth of God." (pg. 12) If Chan/Sprinkle were only quoting Scripture, this would be no problem. But, they quote Scripture and then interpret and explain it. The authors are not telling us what God says. They are telling us what they understand Scripture to mean when it quotes God, as it pertains to heaven and hell.

This is very dangerous rhetoric. To claim that God can say and do whatever God pleases is like a big trump card laid on the conversation. But the authors are not honest with the readers; they refrain from admitting that what follows is simply their best understanding of Scripture. Nevertheless, again and again throughout the book, they remind the reader that while they may not like the idea of hell, it is what God says, and so we don't have a choice in the matter. In my opinion, this is manipulative and dangerous.

A similar technique is employed by emphasizing the eternal consequences. Several times throughout the book, the authors write about the serious nature of the topic of hell. I believe they have the best intentions, and I appreciate what they are saying. For example, chapter 3 starts with one of the authors talking about writing while sitting in Starbucks, and the dozens of people who are around him who might be going to hell! The author says,

"Even as you're reading this, there are probably people within a few feet of you who may also go to hell. What will you do?" (pg. 72).

What frustrates me about this writing technique is that it subtly implies that those who disagree with this position on hell do not take the issue seriously. However, Rob Bell states the exact opposite in Love Wins:

"There is hell now,

and there is hell later,

and Jesus teaches us to take both seriously." (pg. 79)

All Christians would agree that the issue of hell is important, and to "get it wrong" has drastic implications. But just as some say ignoring hell will lead to eternal damnation, preaching a message that includes eternal damnation leads to feeling "guilt and fear and the terrifying, haunting, ominous voice that whispers over your should, 'You're not doing enough.'" (Love Wins, pg. 182).

Getting hell "wrong," in either direction, leads to bad results, bad theology, and "bad Christians."

Again, I don't disagree with the initial points that Chan/Sprinkle say (eg., God can do as God pleases, and the topic of hell is important). Rather, I disagree with their use of these points to convince the reader that their interpretation of Scripture is the only right interpretation.

I was hoping for more from Erasing Hell. As I said, I respect Francis Chan in both his ministry and his writing. However, Erasing Hell feels rushed, manipulative, and theologically weak. If I was comparing Love Wins and Erasing Hell by using an analogy, I would say that Erasing Hell is like a "Dagwood Sandwich" - it just piles on more meat, more toppings, more bread in order to try as hard as possible to make an argument, all the while making the sandwich less and less appealing. The Christianity portrayed in Erasing Hell is very unappetizing to me.

In contrast, Love Wins is like a 4oz. filet mignon. Small. Simple. At first, unimpressive. Really? That's it? But when you take the first bite, you realize there is a myriad of flavors, a complex reality going on that hits you in many different ways. To me, that Christianity is very appetizing.

_______________

In Part Three, I will respond to some of the specific statements in both "Love Wins" and "Erasing Hell".

Heaven, Hell, Chan & Bell (Part One)

2011-07-31T10:32:00.000-04:00

I am a little late to the "Rob Bell, Love Wins" controversy. I was more than a little overwhelmed by the initial hype and online bantering, and so I didn't read the book right away. However, I borrowed Love Wins from my brother-in-law last week and read it. At the same time, another friend was reading Francis' Chan's "Erasing Hell." We engaged in some friendly dialog about the books and the topics covered therein. I've since finished both books, and have some specific thoughts to share.

First, some thoughts about Bell and Love Wins:

The book is written in Bell's now notorious style: conversational, short sentences, lots of spaces, more like a blog post than a book. It is not an academic book; there are no footnotes, very few references to theological big names past or present, and Bell rarely even offers the exact Biblical reference. Rather, he'll say something like, "In John 3 Jesus tells a man..." When I first started reading the book, I was a little disappointed, and thought that it wasn't Bell's best work.

He begins by asking some of the questions that surround heaven and hell, questions that most people are afraid to ask. Like pulling on a loose thread in a hand-knit sweater, Bell keeps tugging, searching, questioning, showing that our tightly-knit theological doctrines have more than a few holes. For example:

"So demons believe,

and washing Jesus's feet with your tears gets your sins forgiven?

We could go on,

verse after verse,

passage after passage,

question after question,

about heaven and hell and the afterlife

and salvation and believing and judgment

and who God is and what God is like

and how Jesus fits into any of it.

But this isn't just a book of questions.

It's a book of responses to these questions." (pgs. 18-19).

The most common and basic accusation against Bell is that he is not "Scriptural." However, you can see even from this short selection, that he is looking at Scripture. But he correctly points out that the Bible presents a myriad of stories and descriptions about heaven, hell, salvation and sin. Bell's book is full of Scripture, and initially he tries to show that the Bible is far from clear on these issues, and if we are really honest, we have a lot of difficult questions to answer.

So Bell moves forward, trying to paint a better picture of heaven and hell. This is a bold task, and one that Bell attempts all the while employing his casual, conversational tone. So, in some places the book feels thin and lacking support. But, in short, Bell is trying to help Christians think differently about heaven and hell. He isn't necessarily refuting or rejecting the evangelical doctrines, but rather trying to broaden our vision of the future so that our lives can really be changed in the present. He states,

"It's very common to hear talk about heaven framed in terms of who 'gets in' or how to 'get in.' What we find Jesus teaching, over and over and over again, is that he's interested in our hearts being transformed, so that we can actually handle heaven." (pg. 50)

And again,

"Eternal life is less about a kind of time that starts when we die, and more about a quality and vitality of life lived now in connection with God." (pg. 59)

In my opinion, these are far from controversial statements. These are necessary and helpful corrections to doctrines that can quickly get out of control. However, some of the strongest responses haven't come against what Bell says about heaven, but rather what he says about hell. Again, Bell tries to take on the giant task of reframing an entire theology, in one short chapter. He cites all the verses in the Bible that use the word "Hades" or "Hell" explicitly, and he explains how these words have complex meanings. Most importantly, he reminds us that our concept of "hell" cannot be read backwards onto Scripture.

One of Bell's major points is that Hell is a current reality. Again, he is trying to broaden our vision of the issues, and in my opinion, this is necessary for modern American Christians. Death, famine, war, and abuse are every day realities for people around the world, but these are far away concepts for Americans. What Americans are familiar with are things like depression, suicide, sexual abuse, addiction, divorce and death. But rarely do we allow the full weight and severity of these realities enter our church doors. Church is a happy place, a place where we ignore the hells in the world around us and the world inside of us.

But Bell doesn't stop there. He uses Scriptural stories, from Jesus, to more fully explain the concept of hell and punishment. But he does this in a way that is not simplistic or childish. For example, using the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus, he states (about the Rich Man):

"He's alive in death, but in profound torment, because he's living with the realities of not properly dying the kind of death that actually leads a person into the only kind of life that's worth living...How do you communicate a truth that complex and multilayered? You (meaning, Jesus) tell a nuanced shocking story about a rich man and a poor man...Brilliant, just brilliant." (pg. 77)

To accuse Bell of not being Scriptural is not accurate. Rather, he is reading and using Scripture in a very different way. Not just a different interpretation of verses, but his understanding of what Jesus was doing when he was teaching is very different. Most of Bell's opponents read Scripture looking to piece together a tight theology, a scientific encyclopedia that has all the answers. Bell reads the words of Jesus, and he sees a "brilliant" teacher, who is telling transformative stories that are true on a level that goes beyond scientific fact. Bell clearly has the utmost respect for Scripture and the teachings of Jesus, and I found myself learning a great deal from his exegeses, as well as being challenged to transform how I live.

I started by saying that I didn't think Love Wins in Bell's best work. However, as I got past the midway point, I found myself strongly resonating with what Bell was writing. I found myself agreeing on almost all of his points, but more than just agreeing, my soul was responding with a deep yes. After the two chapters on heaven and hell, Bell's writing really hits a stride, and each page is filled with beautiful explanations of the words of Jesus. His chapter "There Are Rocks Everywhere" is a simple, provocative and compelling argument for Christian Inclusivism, and when he concludes with the chapter "The Good News Is Better Than That," Bell brings all of the issues home to a personal level, dealing with self-mutilation, abuse, jealousy, misconceptions about God, and finally summing up the love of God the words of Scripture, "You are always with me, and everything I have is yours."

For me, this is a Christianity I can really believe in, that I can share with my atheist friends, that can change the world." For me, I find myself thinking, "Finally, someone is putting together all the ideas and inclinations about God and faith that I've been feeling for so many years." Bell states on pg. 135,

"How many people, if you were to ask them why they've left church, would give an answer something along the lines of, 'It's just so....small?"

Me. I would. I've felt that way for years.

Bell continues,

"Of course. A gospel that leaves out its cosmic scope will always feel small. A gospel that has as its chief message avoiding hell or not sinning will never be the full story."

YES.

In short, I think that Bell gets the Christian story - on a grand scale - very right, and I wish that more Christians would read his work, not just from a perspective interest for the sake of conversation at dinner parties, but for the sake of changing the way they are living now. As Bell says at the end of his book,

"Whatever you've been told about the end -

the end of your life,

the end of time,

the end of the world -

Jesus passionately urges us to live like the end is here,

now,

today." (pg. 197)

____________

In part two, I'll talk about Francis Chan's book, "Erasing Hell"

Listening and Dancing to Music Is....

2011-07-24T11:50:00.000-04:00

...AWESOME!!!

Another Guat Video

2011-07-19T09:09:00.000-04:00

It's the children - their faces, their smiles, their laughter and joy - that really touches my heart when we visit Guatemala. There are so pictures in this slideshow that bring the memories flooding back to my mind. I hope this can capture in a small way how much we love the kids of Guatemala.

Patience Home & Abroad

2011-07-16T16:48:00.000-04:00

I have very little patience for people. Especially in situations like driving, walking through stores, driving on the freeway, calling customer service, and driving.

Did I mention that I have little patience for other drivers?? It's amazing how quickly I get the "road rage." Not to the point of taking out a weapon or rolling down my window to shout obscenities, but I do often curse under my breath, grit my teeth, and slam on the gas as I pass grandma in the left lane.

But when I am in Central America, I ~~drive~~ ride through absolutely terrible traffic. And my attitude is very different. I'm calm, patient, understanding, and think to myself, "When I get there, I get there. No problem."

I have a similar attitude toward people, toward small interactions, and toward life in general when I am in Central America. Perhaps its a vacation attitude. Perhaps its a "short-term-mission-trip" attitude. Regardless, I am much more patient, and as a result, my jaw doesn't hurt from gritting my teeth as much.

I want to carry that attitude into my every day life. I need to realize that going 65 on the freeway is ok. In fact, it's the legal limit. And its ok to wait a little bit in line, or to have to "press 1 for English" when I call customer service.

When I am in Guatemala, I just figure that things might take a little longer, but its no big deal. There are more important things going on in life. In the same way, life in the US will probably take a little longer than I planned, but that's ok. There are more important things going on.

Patience: Abroad and Home.

Pictures from our trip

2011-07-12T10:21:00.001-04:00

I know I posted a few pictures, but here's one of my favorites:

From Whispering Pines

... and a slideshow of all the pics from our time in NorthEastern Ohio

Restless....

2011-07-10T11:16:00.000-04:00

This quote came through the MINemergent daily email a few days ago. It describes me perfectly:

"Restless for change

Leaders are fascinated by future. You are a leader if and only if, you are restless for change, impatient for progress and deeply dissatisfied with status quo. Because in your head, you can see a better future. The friction between 'what is' and 'what could be' burns you, stirs you up, propels you. This is leadership. (Marcus Buckingham) "

I remember a very specific night in college when I was with a group a friends out at a state park. We were singing, praying, laughing and just enjoying life. As night fell, we looked out over the lake at the stars. Everyone shared about how happy and content they were. Someone asked me, "How are you feeling?"

I said that I was chronically discontent.

My friends were confused, and I remember they almost chided me for feeling this way. They said, "Why aren't you happy? Enjoy the moment. Be thankful." I felt frustrated, longing for more. I dreamt of a different, better way of living and loving in the world.

This quote from Marcus Buckingham is the first time someone has affirmed those feelings.

There aren't words...

2011-07-07T22:38:00.001-04:00

Cellestial Fireworks

2011-07-03T23:22:00.001-04:00

I missed Red, White and Boom this year, and the fireworks in my suburb. I was traveling home on July 3, when many areas were having local fireworks. I was a little disappointed to have missed the annual Independence Day celebration.

But on the last leg of the flight home, from Atlanta to Columbus, we flew through a lightning storm. Actually we flew near, not through the storm. It was about 60 miles east, but close enough (at 36,000 ft) to see a constant display of cellestial fireworks. Bolts of lightning striking once every 2 or 3 seconds, for about a half hour. Very cool. Some of the best fireworks I've ever seen.

Walking through a door...

2011-07-03T03:01:00.001-04:00

When we left Guatemala last week, I felt as though I had come to the end of a long road, with nowhere left to go. We had prepared for so long and realized our dreams, what could possibly be next? I felt like I didnt know where to go, because I had exhaustes all known options.

The trip this week in Nicaragua has felt like walking through a door. Every door, no matter how small, is a passageway, has frame underwhich one must pass. This week, I have passed through in a renewing experience. I have seen new things, discovered a new love for a new people, and a whole host of new options is open before me. I feel equally uncertain of where to go next, but now because there are so many options.

The road is laid out before me. I have stepped through the door, and I will continue forward on the journey, with fear and trembling.

The up and down process

2011-07-02T08:24:00.001-04:00

This week, while in Nicaragua, our primary work has to been to train children's teachers/pastors in methods of teaching children. We spent Monday-Wednesday at the church of Sendero de Luz with about 35 individuals, mostly younger teachers (17-20). Thursday and Friday we worked with teachers at Centro Harmonia, and these folks were mostly middle-aged, with a few younger teachers.
I noticed an interesting pattern at both sites. The first day, both groups were hesitant to jump in, answer questions, or participate. After the first afternoon when our group from the States did the kids program, it was like we were proving ourselves. "Yeah, these gringos can handle 120 kids for 2 hours, and do a decent job." The second day together, the teachers were more invloved, more ready to participate, and we started to have meaningful conversations with them at lunch and during breaks.
At both churches, we also had a prayer and praise service in the evening. This provided a great opportunity to connect on an even more deeply spiritual level. Shouting praises together, dancing in the church aisles, and kneeling at the altar - a bond forms very quickly!
Therefore, by the time we reached our final day together, at both sites, everyone is sad to leave. The teachers share the significancw of this week for their life, and our group feels humbled to be a part of it all. We exchange email and facebook information, take pictures, and cry enough for others to see and offer a hug or consolation.

This has been my week: Up and down. Hesitant and reluctant. Eager and enthusiastic. Broken and vulnerable.

Leaving and promising to return.

Alabanzas en la Iglesia de Sendero de Luz

2011-06-30T08:58:00.001-04:00

Tuesday night, we sang, danced, shouted and prayed with the wonderful people of Sendero de Luz. Here's a short video.

Watch "Alabanzas de Rivas" on YouTube

A Night in Rivas

2011-06-30T08:39:00.001-04:00

Last night we walked through the central town square and park, looking for a restaurant for dinner. We passed a beautiful Catholic Church, probably 150 years old. They were having mass, and at the same time, a man was setting off loud fireworks just outside the church. We asked what was going on and learned that it was a saint's day (perhaps Peter?) and the fireworks were a celebration. A few minutes later, everyone left the church and walked through the streets, carrying a statue of saint Peter, with the people playing drums, trumpets, trombones and more.

I love Central American culture.

Nica: Day One

2011-06-26T23:47:00.001-04:00

My expectatations for this trip are already blown away. The country is beautiful in its own unique way. And the team that has come together to share this week is really special. I had a great conversation - in Spanish! - with Julio and his wife Estrella. They are a wonderful family, and I look forward to getting to know them more.
Tonight, Mike Simpson shared about his history in Nicaragua. He has built dozens of churches and educational buildings in this country, but now, he believes it is time to train the teachers about how to do children's ministry. He said that his denomintion has largely ignored this country, and that what we are doing this week has never been done before, and is in great need.
What an honor! How humbling!
I feel unprepared, overwhelmed, and very excited. I look forward to engaging with the teachers, and helping with this very different type of ministry.

Two Trips...

2011-06-25T22:50:00.000-04:00

...Many Differences

Last week, Kellye and I returned from Guatemala after having an amazing week with a great team, seeing old friends and visiting children whom we dearly love but only get to see once a year. This week, I have spent my time preparing to go to Nicaragua for the first time. This trip will be very different, and I am only just realizing that I am unprepared for what I about to experience.

First, even though Nicaragua is also in Central America, it is a different country and different culture from Guatemala. I realized this week that going to Guatemala has become so comfortable to me, I don't expect to experience anything different culturally. But I know that I will have to have an open mind and an open heart as I go to Nicaragua. There will be words, phrases, styles, foods and customs that are new to me. I don't want to always think, "That's not like Guatemala..." I want to appreciate the country for what it is in it's own right.

Second, the trip to Nicaragua is designed to be a trip in which we train teachers and pastors how to do children's ministry. When I was initially asked to be a part of this team, Kellye and I were asked to head up the children't "VBS" portion of the trip. But now, Kel is pregnant, so she is staying home. And I am responsible to teach two sessions, training the pastors and teachers of the local churches how to be most effective in their children's ministry. What a responsibility!

When we go to Guatemala to work with the kids, we work hard to prepare a good lesson. We have fun games, songs, and a craft that will be something the children can treasure (I have literally seen the same craft from one year prior, still hung on the wall of a home we visited, a full year later!) I have designed dozens of children's ministry programs, sang the songs, done the motions, and played the games. Its a fun time, and something I am very familiar with.

But training other teachers and pastors is a whole new scenario for me! I am realizing more and more what a great responsibility this is. The effectiveness of this trip will not be measured during the days that we are in Nicaragua, but rather in the days after we leave. Will the pastors have practical tools and information they can take back to their churches? Will the experience of hearing our message give them new ideas, new hope, and a new vision in order to positively impact their church communities? What our team does next week has the potential to be the first wave of many that could impact hundreds, maybe thousands, of children.

Furthermore, this training is cross-cultural. I am not fluent in Spanish, and as I said, I am ignorant to the cultural specifics of Nicaragua. "Ministry" is something very different in affluent America compared to simple Nicaragua. We have access to the internet, printers, copiers, office supplies, etc. The churches we visit may not have any of these items at all! How do I talk about making crafts when the teachers can't look up a craft on the internet? How do I share the importance of the Bible story, when I am speaking through a translator for an hour?

With the help of the Holy Spirit. With humility. With the grace of God. This is my prayer this week - Lord take what I have, and somehow use it. The pastors of these churches requested to have someone come and do a training like this. The ministry asked for help, and so I volunteered to go. I am hopeful that what I have to offer will be a blessing to the people I will meet in Nicaragua.

I feel overwhelmed by the gravity of what is before me next week. I'm thankful though, because life is often "too easy" for me. I enjoy a challenge. I am thankful for the chance to be stretched. And I look forward to being able to share the ways in which God worked through our team.

Praying

2011-06-24T12:52:00.001-04:00

Read this poem by Mary Oliver this morning in "Common Prayer," and it was a subtle blessing:

Praying

It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

~ Mary Oliver ~

Newest Guat Video

2011-06-23T23:14:00.000-04:00

Some video clips from our latest trip to Guatemala:

Around the World

2011-06-23T12:54:00.000-04:00

Returning home from Guatemala last week, and preparing to leave for Nicaragua on Sunday, I can't help but feel a little connection to this video. Although, obviously, I am not traveling as far or widely...But I love the music, and the idea of dancing around the world is so fun.

Reflection Video

2011-06-22T10:06:00.003-04:00

I made a short "video blog" sharing some details and thoughts about our recent trip Guatemala. It's nothing special, but you can view it here:
Watch "Guat 11 Reflection" on YouTube

Raw Power

2011-06-10T08:48:00.001-04:00

As I was waking up this morning, there was a large thunderstorm rolling through Grove City. It started with faint thunder off in the distance, slowly coming closer and closer. Periodically, the thunder would be right over head, shaking our house and waking me up even more. Then the rain started, soft at first but growing stronger and more steady. Flashes of lightning would make it through the blinds, and the loud thunder followed. By now, I was completely awake, and enjoying listening to the storm roll over our house.

I love thunderstorms, when they aren't so big that I'm not in any danger. The sound of the thunder rolling, so strong and loud that the walls of my house shake, the flashes of lightning, and the strong winds and rain that come and go - these are all reminders to me that the there is power in the world that far exceeds my own. I saw some pictures of a recent volcano eruption in Chile, and I had similar thoughts: There is so much power, it is far beyond anything I can comprehend!

I believe this power also exists in an existential manner, meaning, there is a power that can control, direct, understand, shape and move the activities and results of the world. There is a power to save, and that is a power that I don't possess or control.

I also believe that this is a very important realization, especially when trying to travel across the world to help people in a practical way. It can be easy to get caught up in the desire to try to save the world. There are so many needs, so many people, and so much that could be done. The sheer magnitude impacts me and I have a deep longing to try to save the world, as best I can.

But just as forceful is the realization that I simply can't. I am only one person. I live so far away. I am trapped in my American lifestyle, and as much as I try, I can only do so much. The juxtaposition of great need, a great desire to help, and the realization of my limitations can be severely debilitating, almost to the point of depressing.

Then I remember, there is a power greater than my own - MUCH greater than my own. There is a power to save, that I don't possess, but that I believe exists. There is a power that is shaping, directing, and intimately guiding the world, simultaneously engaging every individual toward redemption.

So I can step back, relax, and stand in awe at the raw power. The raw power of thunderstorms. The raw power of volcanic eruptions. Or the raw power of a love so big, it is saving the world.

Learning to See

2011-06-07T10:21:00.002-04:00

The following is from a small publication called "Explorations: Becoming Like Jesus - Part Four - The Compassionate Life" (by Christopher Webb). He describes a year that he spent working at an inner-city church in England, primarily with people who were homeless and poor. He says,

"And Jesus showed up - just where I'd least expected him. Id on't know how much of Jesus they found in me - something of him, I hope. But every time I sat over coffee with that community, Jesus revealed himself to me in them. After a few months I re-read the parable of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25, and noticed something obvious that had never struck me before. Those who reach out to the poor, the hungry, the naked, the prisoners, find they are not congratulated for being Christlike. Instead they are rewarded by meeting Jesus in the very people they seek to serve. In the end, I went to that church not to be Jesus, but to meet Jesus. The experience changed my life."

This is a crucially important lesson for us to consider as we prepare to leave for a short-term mission trip. We cannot head into the country of Guatemala with the attitude that we are Jesus - our heads held high, our Bibles in hand, our tongues ready to bless and proclaim peace to the people we meet. This type of attitude is insensitive, offensive, and very dangerous.

Rather, we enter the country - and eventually we enter the homes of real people - with the hopes of seeing Jesus in the Other. Like Webb says, as we serve, we are not being Christlike, rather we are meeting Jesus in the people we are serving.

We meet Jesus at the construction site.

We meet Jesus in a home with dirt floors, no electricity, and no running water.

We meet Jesus in the family of life-long missionaries.

We meet Jesus in the face of a local pastor, serving a poor community.

We meet Jesus in the faces of the children.

Webb concludes, "The compassionate life is, first and foremost, personal. It must be rooted in genuine, direct relationships, not nebulous issues. We cannot love causes. We can only love people - and this love is the root of all real, enduring justice and peace. As we walk in the footsteps of Jesus, we need to learn to see."

May God give us the eyes to see Jesus in Guatemala.

Keeping you informed....

2011-06-06T17:55:00.001-04:00

There are so many ways to stay in touch these days! All the social networks, the "like" and "share" buttons, the blogs, the pages and the tweets. What is the balance between just sharing for people whom are interested, and trying to "promote" what you are doing??

I've been working on updates and links on the Guat11 blog. It's fun to keep people connected and know that they are following what we are doing. But putting in links and connections, mobile, online, etc....it can be endless!! And I have a tendency to get carried away....wanting to have everything linked, and seamlessly.

Suffice it to say, that I tried to create a "facebook page" today, and got sucked into the facebook black hole of social networking....

So please, help me feel good about all my efforts, and "Like" our Guat11 page!

Last Days

2011-06-02T12:06:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not talking about eschatology or the end times. I'm talking about your "last day..."

...at a job

...in school

...in a certain home or city.

"Last days" anywhere are always sort of weird. You may be looking forward to it, have been dreading it, or are just sort of ambivalent and ready to GET OUT. But the last day anywhere always feels to me a bit anti-climactic.

Today is my last day at my internship that I've had for the past 5 months. It's been a pleasant experience, and I've certainly learned a lot. But I'm only here 2 days a week, so its nothing major. Nevertheless, all the staff and teachers are saying to me, "So, it's your last day...."

And that's where the conversation starts and ends....I usually say something like, "Yep." And they say, "OK."

See what I mean. Last days are weird.

They did find a good picture to post on the door....

My Commute

2011-06-01T19:40:00.000-04:00

Tonight was a perfect evening for riding the scooter. After walking across campus to return a library book, I made it down 15th Ave., and found my sliver of a parking space. Helmet on, sunglasses in place, wearing flip flops and a t-shirt, I pulled out onto High St. and headed south toward downtown.

Ohio State campus was busy; lots of students walking to and from events. Then came the Short North, with plenty of interesting people to notice as I drove by. The air warm, the sky blue, flying by cars and buses as I made my way into the shadows of the skyscrapers.

I love riding the scooter. Its fun; its relaxing; its engaging and challenging to stay alert and focused while driving. I notice different parts of town. Tonight I saw the new park downtown that is in the place where City Center used to be. Then, as I made my way closer into Grove City, I had to take a short detour that put me into a very interesting neighborhood, with old houses and big yards. I never knew it was right around the corner from our house!

Perhaps my favorite part of the drive home is on the last street before our neighborhood. The speed limit is 45, so I'm cruising around 50. The road turns right, then dips down as it passes over a creek. You don't notice this in your car, but the air temperature above the water is much cooler than the rest of the air. So as I drive over the bridge, the temperature drops at least 10 degrees, and the air feels fresh and very much like summer.

A short drive home from campus, on the last night of classes for my first year of graduate school, can be a memorable and enjoyable experience.

Before & After (flowers)

2011-06-01T08:10:00.001-04:00

Kel and I were finally able to do some weeding and planting in the flower bed in front of our house. Here are two quick pictures.

Solitude and Segregation

2011-05-30T11:12:00.001-04:00

From the weekly reflection from the Thomas Merton Institute:

There is no true solitude except interior solitude. And interior solitude is not possible for anyone who does not accept his right place in relation to other men. There is no true peace possible for the man who still imagines that some accident of talent or grace or virtue segregates him from other men and places him above them. Solitude is not segregation...God does not give us graces or talents or virtues for ourselves alone. We are members one of another and everything that is given to one member is given for the whole body. (Thomas Merton. New Seeds of Contemplation)

Finding myself in solitude leads to finding myself amongst other people, amongst community, within experiences of service and leadership. Solitude leads me to ministry, of the truest sense. Ministry that is not self-serving and self-aggrandizing, but ministry that is for the betterment of the Other, whomever the other might be.

Dealing with Death

2011-05-26T15:34:00.000-04:00

I don't have anything profound to say here, but I feel like the act of writing and sharing might also be healing for me. As I've written before, my grandfather, Morton Schroeder died of cancer on May 5th. We knew he was sick; we knew he was dying; and his death was not a surprise. It many ways, it was a blessing that he went quickly, and we all had ample opportunity to say goodbye.

In stark contrast is the death of my grandmother, Barbara Johne. This morning, while riding with her husband to a routine eye exam, she had a heart attack and died before the ambulance arrived. She was a vibrant, lively, loving person, and her sudden death is a shock to my family. As my grandpa said when we called him this afternoon, "We expected to die sometime, but we didn't expect that it would be this morning."

I had several months to process the fact that my grandpa Schroeder was dying, and in fact now is dead. I am very grateful for all he did for my family, and I know that he lived a great life. His funeral was beautiful, and it was a wonderful time to gather with family whom I hadn't seen in many years.

Grandma & Grandpa Johne (on either end), with Kel, Eve, myself and Zack

I am in shock about my grandmother's death. I have many wonderful memories of her. She had the sweetest voice; she was amazingly gracious and kind, and her smiles and hugs are unparalleled. I remember that she never spoke negatively about anything. I tend to be a complainer, and when I would complain to her, she was always able to remind me that there is positive in any situation. She was able to put a touch of grace into any conversation, and it always left me feeling like I wanted to be a better person, a more loving and kind person. She had a wonderful laugh, and she spoke with deep conviction and love.

Perhaps one of the saddest things about losing both my grandfather and grandmother, is thinking about their spouses. My grandma Schroeder is a small, frail woman, and it breaks my heart to think of her alone in her home. My grandpa Johne is a wonderful man, and he was all the more wonderful because of his wife! The two of them together were so sweet, and they were clearly enjoying their last years together, in northern Michigan, surrounded by family. I can't imagine the sense of loss and loneliness they must experience.

But surprisingly, neither my grandma or grandpa talk this way. They are still themselves. Yes, they miss their spouse, but they continue to love their spouse after they are gone. And in a way, they continue to be loved by their spouse. There is a connection that goes beyond even death. It's truly beautiful.

I am so grateful for my family. It was a blessing to spend time with my mother and father today and we sat and reflected upon Grandma Johne and how special she was. We ate lunch together. We laughed and talked and supported each other.

The miracle of family is that it is the most amazing thing in the world, and its something that we all experience to one degree or another. I've never been very emotional regarding death, but losing two grandparents in one month, in very different ways, is an experience that has opened me up to the importance of grief, sadness, and recognizing that loss is a part of life.

What's a HOBY?

2011-05-24T18:43:00.001-04:00

In case you are wondering what this "HOBY" thing is...here's a little taste:

Happy to Serve

2011-05-24T07:55:00.000-04:00

"The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer

This quote was a cornerstone for my presentation on Leadership for Service at the HOBY Ohio South Conference this past weekend. And I feel like this quote describes my life right now. I spent four full days with HOBY, putting in time and energy to empower the student leaders of today who will, of course, be the future leaders of tomorrow. As soon as I came home, Kellye and I continued to work hard on preparations for our trip to Guatemala that is taking place in only a few weeks. My life has recently become a rapid sequence of meeting folks around town, making connections, collecting supplies, and organizing service events and projects.

And I love it.

It is exciting to connect with people for a cause greater than ourselves. It is inspiring to see the work that is being done around the world in efforts to make a difference in people's lives. (For an amazing example, check out Flying Horse Farms). It is humbling when people give us donations to take to Guatemala. It is encouraging to hear stories of projects and activities that other people are doing. We begin to network, connect, encourage, share, challenge, and continue to serve together.

Happiness is elusive - even in the wealthiest and most blessed country in the world. But I agree with Schweitzer - if you seek and find what it really means to serve, you will find happiness.

An Attempt At An Update

2011-05-18T18:51:00.000-04:00

The only thing worse than blogging about nothing is not blogging at all.....so I'm going to try to post an update. But, as you bloggers well know, its hard to find time to write when there is a lot going on! The past few weeks, and the next few months, are highly eventful for me. Here's a snapshot:

Two weeks ago, my grandfather - Morton A. Schroeder - passed away. He was a great man in many ways. A scholar, an author, a father, a grandfather and great grandfather. I went with my family to Wisconsin for the funeral, and it was a powerful experience. Although my grandfather was a great man, there were many challenges for us as a family. Throughout the years we had more than a few moments of tension, unease, and hurt.

But, one thing I realized as I paid my final respects: My life is really good, and I owe much of that to my grandfather.

In about three weeks, Kel and I will be taking our fifth trip to Guatemala. This year, we are lucky enough to have an amazing group of students, again from around the country. 6 students are former GCCS students, and one is the daughter of a friend whom I met at a conference in D.C., and lives in California. Another eclectic team of amazing students!!

We have several goals for this year's trip: First, we are taking shoes to distribute to the kids in the villages, and also to take to the people who live in the mountain regions. We have collected over 200 flip flops, sandals and other shoes, and I expect we will have about 400 by the time we leave. Our only concern is that we make it through customs without having to pay any taxes. Second, we hope to distribute toothpaste/toothbrushes and hand towels. The local missionaries said that hand towels especially would be very helpful and needed by the families. Third, we plan to assist with a few construction projects, the most exciting of which would be working on a new house for Heidi and Brian, whom I wrote about here.

Before going to Guatemala, I have to make it through the HOBY conference. For those of you so unfortunate that you don't know what HOBY is, it is a high energy youth seminar for high school sophomores. I went a sophomore, and have returned as a facilitator and speaker almost every year since. I LOVE HOBY - but it wears me out :) I'm hoping to somehow conserve my energy this year so that I will be able to make it to work Monday morning.

This is just a snapshot - every day Kel and I have the fun challenges of things like trying to mow the grass on the one afternoon that it isn't raining, brushing all of the hair out of Sobe before she sheds all over the house, changing the oil in the cars, and planting new trees in the yard, as well our first attempt at a vegetable garden this year.

I feel incredibly blessed to have such a busy and fulfilling life. I have many other ideas and thoughts I'd hope to blog about soon, but suffice it for now - this is a snapshot of my life :)

What's the best way to spend a Saturday night?

2011-04-23T21:59:00.001-04:00

Playing Settlers of Catan with the family :)

Well, maybe not the BEST thing, but it's lots of fun.

At the Dentist

2011-04-21T12:48:00.001-04:00

I had a routine checkup at the dentist this morning. The hygienist was asking me questions about my summer plans, if I was traveling anywhere, etc., and I mentioned our trip to Guatemala. She kept cleaning, and then asked a few more questions about where we go and what we do. I shared a few basic details.

Then she asked if we could use any toothpaste. I said we can use whatever we get, and toothpaste is great! She went into the storage room, and came out with about 120 small toothpastes! The toothpaste had an "expiration date" on the box, and so they could no longer give them to patients. But they were perfectly fine.

Then my dentist came in a started to talk with me about how he wants to visit Guatemala, and Cambodia (which many of you know is where my brother and sister-in-law are right now), and we talked for about 15 minutes about different organizations around the world.

I love these conversations. I love sharing about what we do, and I love giving people the opportunity to be generous. I love providing outlets in which the excess and superfluous American materialism can be passed along and become a blessing to other people.

We aren't planning to do hygiene bags, or give away toothpaste this year, but I'm sure we can find a use for all this toothpaste!! Maybe if we talk about the story of "Daniel in the Lion's Den" we can do a little lesson on keeping your teeth clean, just like the lion's teeth had to be clean :)

A Guat Memory

2011-04-20T19:24:00.000-04:00

We head back to Guatemala in about six and a half weeks. We'll be going with a different team of students, doing work in some new areas, and meeting new children and families. I've been doing a lot of preparation for the trip, sending emails and accounting for supplies and donations, etc. But I've also looked back at some pictures and information from past trips.

In doing so, I came across this picture. It's actually the very last picture I took on our 2007 trip. We had just finished a full week of working on a huge construction project, and we were all very tired, very sweaty, and very much ready for a shower. As we piled into the van, we saw across the street a small group of children watching us intently.

The group was moving quickly, gathering our items and supplies and making sure we didn't leave anything behind. We were just about to drive away, when "the Emilys" asked if they could go talk to the girls. I said, "Of course."

It is this type of initiative, this type of love-in-action, that really excites me. "The Emilys" went across the street, shared a few small pieces of candy and some hugs, and then came back to the van. As they crawled to the back seat, I noticed they had tears in their eyes. That brief encounter, that small moment on the side of the road, that exchange of hugs, "hola" and "adios" was enough to touch their heart.

I'm hoping for similar experiences this year. I'm hoping that as Kellye and I lead this new team of students to new areas and new experiences, the same change will take place in their heart. I hope that they will see that it is worth it to cross the road. It's ok to make your team wait a few more minutes. It's not that hard to do something meaningful, something that will change your life, and change the life of others.

In fact, it's what life is all about.

Song for the Week

2011-04-19T18:44:00.000-04:00

The lyrics are off the wall, but I love the beat and chorus:

Please Help: Collecting Fabric

2011-04-10T21:23:00.000-04:00

Every year I participate in the HOBY conference - it is a high energy youth conference. I went as a sophomore in high school, and have returned almost every year since (yeah, 12 years!)

This year at the Ohio South conference, we will be joining with Project Linus and Flying Horse Farms to undertake a grand service project. The goal is to cut and prepare the fabric for 500 blankets to be made, and eventually given to children with serious illnesses. Our ambassadors will be cutting the fabric into 6x9inch squares, organizing the fabric into "sets" to be made into a blanket, and doing some basic sewing.

So I could really use some help collecting FABRIC!! Our goal of 500 blankets means we need about 1,500 yards of flannel or cotton fabric. It can have patterns or plain, be left over or brand new, whatever it is - we will make it into a special blanket for a child in need.

Please help us in our challenge to collect as much fabric as possible. Contact the people you know who are "quilters" and "sewers" (usually moms and grandmas :) Most people who sew have boxes of leftover "scraps" that we will be able to use. Give them the attached flyer that explains the project. Tell them we need flannel or cotton fabric that we will cut into 6x9inch squares, to be used to make the border for the blanket. You can collect the fabric, or you can contact me, and I will come and get it.

Thank you for your help in this exciting endeavor!

Waiting...

2011-04-10T21:14:00.000-04:00

Really loving this song lately. And if you have not already bought The Civil Wars: Barton Hollow, get on it.

My Day Without Shoes

2011-04-05T23:17:00.002-04:00

Today was the TOMS Shoes "One Day Without Shoes" event. It also just so happens that our team is collecting shoes to take to Guatemala. So, I thought it would be a very appropriate event to participate in, and hopefully be able to spark some conversations with people about our trip.

OK, I have to be honest - I didn't make it the full day. So really, it was my "morning" without shoes. But the morning was rough enough. The weather was cold, and the ground was wet from the rain yesterday. I had morning class on campus, which normally means riding the bus, but I wanted to try to walk as much as possible. I parked about 3 or 4 blocks from my building (which is actually REALLY close; I was lucky I got the spot) and started walking.

Let me just say that campus sidewalks are not "well maintained." Rocky, cracks, holes, muddy water, and plenty of broken shards of glass to step around. It was a very painful and cold way to start the morning.

While I sat in class, my morning coffee began to make its way through my system, and I realized I was going to have to use public bathrooms throughout the day. Walking barefoot in a public bathroom?? Really?? But then again, kids who don't have shoes don't have a choice about what touches their feet, about where they have to walk, or even what "bathrooms" they can or can't use.

Walking around the building, I was distinctly aware of being "unfashionable." As I said, it was a cold day, so many people were wearing winter coats. I felt silly walking around with no shoes. I don't usually pay that much attention to my shoe style - I actually only have one pair for campus that I wear every day. But I felt pretty embarrassed and self-conscious about being barefoot.

The "photo collage" that will be in the newsletter

So my morning "no shoes" experience was not all that great. But after class, I went to a casual meeting with some of the College of Social Work staff, and my experience changed quickly. As social workers, they were aware of the "no shoes" day, and were pretty excited to see me not wearing shoes. I had printed some flyers about our Guatemala trip to give to people if they asked about my bare feet, and so I passed a few out. The staff was very excited. They wanted to take pictures and include it in the weekly newsletter. And, they had already collected some children's shoes for another event, but hadn't given them away yet! So, I walked into the meeting barefoot, and left with about 10 pairs of kids shoes.

The bag of shoes!!

I carried the shoes back to my car, distinctly aware of the irony that I was walking barefoot while carrying lots of shoes. The day was a bit warmer, but still my feet hurt pretty badly as I walked around campus. A few people shouted out "Hey no shoe guy!" but other than that, I didn't have too many interesting conversations. Nevertheless, my "day without shoes" was challenging, eye-opening, and ultimately beneficial for kids who need shoes.

Weekend Wedding

2011-04-03T08:31:00.001-04:00

Kel and I traveled to North Carolina this weekend for the wedding of a good friend. It took place in a beautiful park and that afforded us the chance to take some fun pictures. The wedding was windy, but beautiful. They had large tents set up for the reception, which reminded me so much of our own wedding, almost 8 years ago now.

Updating Guat Website

2011-03-31T11:54:00.000-04:00

I did some work today on our Guatemala 2011 website. I included some new information about our team, a list of donations that we need, and changed some of the format. I'd love it if you checked out the site and offered any feedback, positive or negative.

We are starting to gear up for collecting necessary items. Please look at the "Donations" page and see if there is anything you could give for the kids in Guat. Thanks!

Collecting Shoes for Guat

2011-03-31T10:34:00.000-04:00

We are collecting shoes for children in Guatemala. Flip-flops, “Crocs” style or slip-on shoes can be donated (but flip-flops are the cheapest and easiest to pack). Our team will travel in June and will deliver the shoes to kids in the country.

Shoes must be donated before June 1, should be new, and can be any size that would fit children ages 4-15.

This is a very special opportunity, to donate shoes that will be given directly to kids who need them. Many of the shoes will be given to children who live high in the mountains of Guatemala.

If you would like to donate, you can contact me directly (schroeder.jesse@gmail.com). Also, please visit the website for our trip, http://guat11.blogspot.com for more information and updates.

Responding to Suffering

2011-03-24T12:55:00.000-04:00

Brian McLaren wrote a response to John Piper's interpretation of the Japanese earthquake and subsequent tragedies. Essentially, both authors are addressing the question, "What is God's relationship to suffering in the world?" The answers are detailed and complicated - Piper is staunchly Calvinist, and McLaren is spearheading the "Emergent Church." I would encourage reading the posts from both authors.

But one section of what McLaren wrote stuck out to me. I agree with his focus on Jesus, with his interpretation of the actions and ministry of Jesus while on earth. What McLaren offers isn't so much of an answer, but rather a "turning of our attention" away from theological questions, and back to the heart of the matter, namely our relationship with God.

"This, to me, is part of the scandal of the Incarnation and the scandal of the cross: that God, when God shows up in Christ, doesn’t take control. God in Christ doesn’t institute “martial law.” Nor does God in Christ unilaterally eliminate all that we call suffering and evil. Nor does God in Christ cause any additional suffering and evil. He doesn’t fly into Jerusalem on angel’s wings or a fighter jet, nor does he ride in on a white steed or tank, nor does he enter with well-armed guards or even sticks and stones.

Instead, we see Jesus going quietly from town to town, confronting suffering and evil, calling people to repentance for inflicting suffering and evil on one another, and healing and liberating people from suffering and evil at every turn. He doesn’t unilaterally impose even this healing on them though: he allows their faith, whether great or small, to make room for it. Finally, in Christ on the cross we see God’s ultimate way of dealing with suffering and evil: to bear it with endurance, to suffer it with tears and agony, to take it into God’s own heart, and to heal it utterly, not by avenging it, but by forgiving it. The kingdom or sovereignty of God that Jesus proclaims, then, doesn’t come with the power of unilateral control but with a radically different kind of power: the gentle power (Paul dares call it “weakness”) of love."

Quick Changes

2011-03-23T18:10:00.001-04:00

A huge storm just rolled through - thunder, lightning, rain, tornado warnings and all. But now, the sun is breaking through, the birds are singing, and the sky is beautiful. They say that if you don't like the weather in Ohio, stick around 5 minutes and it will change.

I'm contemplating how quickly things can change in our own lives too. Tragedy and fortune can come at any time. What keeps us grounded, focused? Looking ahead? Looking back? Or the ones who are with us, by our side, going through the changes together?

They also say that as much as things change, things stay the same. Faith, hope and love - these three will always remain.

I don't want to "get through" the changes in my life. I want to experience, live and embrace them as part of the journey, always holding on to faith, hope and love.

Our Visit With the Missionaries

2011-03-22T11:48:00.001-04:00

This past weekend we were incredibly blessed to have our good friends Roger and Beth Briggs (the founders of Hearts for Heaven) as well as Oscar and Telma (the native missionaries in Guatemala) visit us in Ohio. On Friday night they hung out with us and some of the team members for our June trip. Also, some of our family and friends from different groups around the city came and hung out, and listened to Roger and Telma as they shared about the ministry. Below are a few pictures:

After they left, Kellye and I both felt very sad. It was the same feeling we had after we came home from Guatemala last summer. We agreed that it was because we had to say goodbye to our dear friends. It's very difficult to put into words the connection we have with them and the ministry. They are deeply committed to doing God's work in Guatemala. Oscar and Telma actually have family living in Miami, and we asked if they would like to move to the United States. Immediately, Oscar said, "No, Guatemala is my country." They are committed to God, committed to the people of Guatemala, and their commitment is powerful and challenging to me.

My head was spinning after speaking with Oscar about collecting shoes for the children in Guatemala, how to do effective children's ministry, and funds needed for building a new church for a large youth group in Guatemala. There is so much that needs to be done! And we are so blessed to be a part of this exciting work. The next few months we have a lot to do, lots of preparation, and lots of supplies to be gathered. But I'm very very excited. Visiting with Oscar and Telma reminded me that our trip is going to be very special, for us and for the people of Guatemala.

I can't wait.

Our Good Friends

2011-03-20T16:43:00.001-04:00

This weekend we were blessed to be able to spend time with our good friends from Guatemala, the Briggs and the Martins. It is so encouraging to hear about what is happening in Guat and to think about what events and programs are in store for the future.

Changes in School

2011-03-18T09:17:00.000-04:00

From SB5 to the new state budget, there are lots of talks about changes in schools lately. But what are we really changing, and what really needs to be changed? An NY Times op-ed says "we need to rethink the very nature of high school itself." The story is about eight high school students who were given the chance to shape their own education and run school in the way they wanted (with some direction and guidance from an advisor, of course). The result is impressive, and you should read the article. The students were self-motivated, asking questions and researching answers, learning new skills and performing for their peers. And these aren't just honor roll students. Two of the eight were in danger of dropping out before starting the "Independent School Project." The implications are challenging.

For anyone who has worked in a high school before, it is blatantly obvious that the education system does little to empower students. We structure every single minute of the day, make assignments and tasks as simple as possible, and give "punishments" that don't have long-term implications (the real punishment should be not having the knowledge needed to succeed in life, but that never comes into the discussion). Furthermore, the subjects and curriculum are often irrelevant to American life as an adult. What schools teach students to do a tax return? What high school student can change the oil in their car, or fix a broken toilet, or understand how to read an editorial piece and pick out the biases of the author? What schools follow politics closely, including students in the discussion, encouraging participating in the democratic process?

Our society is one that is looking for the quickest and easiest solution to most every problem, and education is no different.

What is exciting about the "Independent School Project" is that the answer is very simple, and the answer is already present and available. Students themselves have all of the resources, creativity and desires to really learn. The role of the teacher is to empower the student, to set them free into the real world, to allow (and encourage) them to think and act for themselves.

If there is one thing that America cherishes, it is the First Amendment. Free speech will never be taken away in this country, and it is the basis for defending a wide array of activities in society. We should take the same approach in schools. Students should have free range to think, to create, to act, to discover, and to learn.

I love teaching - I love students. But sometimes when I really think about the education system, it is sad and scary to say the least. The story of the "Independent School Project" is exciting, and you might say it is "too radical" or "unorthodox," but one school did it, so why can't more follow their example?

A Song for Japan

2011-03-15T22:11:00.000-04:00

The earthquake that hit Japan this past weekend is beyond comprehension. The last few days, I've been receiving updates from my aunt, Ruth Harimoto, who lives in Tokyo with her husband and teenage son. They are safe and making it through each day. I am sure they are doing all they can to help the people around them. When I emailed Ruth and told her I was praying for them, she sent this song to me. She said it was recorded by the youth group at their church, and is a song praying for God's heart to be poured out upon Japan. The youth pastor asked that it be used as a prayer for the people and the country of Japan. It is powerful to think of the people singing the song, the people suffering right now, the real people with real names and faces that go beyond the news reels and footage. These people are praying and crying out in a difficult situation. This song is a way for our hearts to connect with theirs.

On This Hope by 45streetsband

Oscar & Telma are Visiting!

2011-03-08T11:21:00.001-05:00

Hello friends -

I want to share an exciting opportunity with you. This month, Oscar & Telma, the native missionaries in Guatemala with Hearts for Heaven, are traveling in the United States. This is their first, and perhaps only, opportunity to visit the US, and so we are very excited that they are coming to Ohio the weekend of March 18-20.

You know that Guatemala is very special to us, and we have visited several times. We know that you cannot all join us on our trips to Guatemala, but we feel that this month we are blessed to have "Guatemala come to us." We are expecting a very energizing and inspiring time with Oscar and Telma.

We would like to invite you to spend an evening with us, Oscar & Telma, and other individuals closely involved with Hearts for Heaven ministry - Friday March 18th, at 7:30pm, at our house in Grove City (2406 Altenburg Ct.)

Oscar and Telma will share about recent events in the ministry, their personal testimony (which is powerful and challenging) and ways in which you can be involved in the exciting work in Guatemala. The time will be short, only from 7:30-9:00 pm, or so.

Infant Inspiration

2011-03-04T18:45:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago some close friends of our from our Grove City Christian School years had a baby, little Owen. Sadly, Owen was born with severe complications, the most challenging of which was that he was not breathing on his own. After a week of receiving the doctor's best care and even having surgery on his throat, it was apparent that Owen could not breathe, and his parents would have to say goodbye to him.

This is obviously a tragedy, and one that many people have had to face before. It is incredibly sad to watch an infant struggle for life and not survive. But Owen's story, also like the story of many others, did not end after just one week. When the doctor's removed the breathing tube and Owen's parents prepared to watch him slip away, everyone was shocked to watch Owen begin to breathe on his own. Since that day two weeks ago, Owen has continued to grow stronger and more healthy, and it appears now that he will grow up to be a relatively "typical" little baby.

I just finished reading through some of the blog updates that Owen's parents have posted, and I am astounded at the simple miracle of life. It is amazing enough to think about a baby developing and coming to life inside a mother's womb, but to look at Owen - attached to machines with tubes coming in and out - and realize that he in his infantile state is fighting for life....it's simply amazing.

Owen inspires me. He has reminded me that many times, things are not as they seem. Life on earth is not as predictable as the doctors and scientists may tell us. And there is more fight in a human being, even a little infant, to overcome some of the darkest nights and more difficult challenges we have all faced.

A Prayer

2011-03-02T08:26:00.003-05:00

I use the Mosaic Bible, which comes with various prayers and reflections for each week in the Church calendar, and yesterday I read this prayer.

Prayer of Sir Francis Drake

Disturb us, Lord, when We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

---

The prayer stuck with me throughout the day, and I think God was leading me and preparing me. I had some challenging conversations with classmates about future decisions and opportunities. I thought about Zack and Eve in Cambodia, stepping out into new arenas and experiences. I thought about many of friends who exhibit divine grace every day as they overcome to the small challenges of life.

This is a bold prayer. To be disturbed is really disturbing, unsettling, bothersome, not pleasant. But it pushes me to another place where I can find more of the kingdom of God.

Not For Sale

2011-02-17T23:10:00.000-05:00

Freedom Sunday 2011 | Not For Sale from Not For Sale Campaign on Vimeo.

This is the awesome organization that my sister, Keturah, is working for. I'm so proud of all that she is doing there, and her words on this video are very challenging. If you haven't heard of Not For Sale, or the issue of global human trafficking, check out the video, check out the website, get informed and get active.