Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Taking hold of life
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I often dream about doing something "really great" with my life. Perhaps it's because we hear so many "great" stories every day - rags to riches successes, athletic champions, political heroes, media stars, and all those people who are "changing the world." I think it's natural that I want to be something great, someone recognized and commended, to do something noteworthy with my life.
I caught myself the other day thinking about how I'm almost 27 years old, and I'm not really sure what I've done in all those years. I kind of thought, "Is this it? This is who I am?" But then just a few days later, I realized how selfish and ungrateful I was. There are billions throughout the world who have not accomplished the things that I take for granted every day: college degree, married, owning a house, teaching high school. These self-descriptions which are so commonplace to me could be the dreams of many others who are in different life situations than myself.
So I have to keep reminding myself that my life is not about what I achieve outwardly, and it's not about who notices or doesn't notice. 15 minutes of fame and my name on pg. B5 of the local paper aren't my goal and purpose of life. There is something more fulfilling, something deeper, something more meaningful and more life-giving than to live by a standard of success determined by those around me. There is an inner life, a spiritual life, a life lived in connection with the heart and life of God that finds peace, rest, and fulfillment.
I'm leaving this afternoon to spend about four days on a contemplative retreat near the monastery where Thomas Merton lived and wrote. I'm pretty nervous about having to leave behind my laptop, my cell phone, my music, my blog, my Twitter, my email, my Facebook, my life as I live it every day. But I also know there is something beautiful and important for me. I'm looking forward to this time almost as much as I am anxious about it.
--
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"
I often dream about doing something "really great" with my life. Perhaps it's because we hear so many "great" stories every day - rags to riches successes, athletic champions, political heroes, media stars, and all those people who are "changing the world." I think it's natural that I want to be something great, someone recognized and commended, to do something noteworthy with my life.
I caught myself the other day thinking about how I'm almost 27 years old, and I'm not really sure what I've done in all those years. I kind of thought, "Is this it? This is who I am?" But then just a few days later, I realized how selfish and ungrateful I was. There are billions throughout the world who have not accomplished the things that I take for granted every day: college degree, married, owning a house, teaching high school. These self-descriptions which are so commonplace to me could be the dreams of many others who are in different life situations than myself.
So I have to keep reminding myself that my life is not about what I achieve outwardly, and it's not about who notices or doesn't notice. 15 minutes of fame and my name on pg. B5 of the local paper aren't my goal and purpose of life. There is something more fulfilling, something deeper, something more meaningful and more life-giving than to live by a standard of success determined by those around me. There is an inner life, a spiritual life, a life lived in connection with the heart and life of God that finds peace, rest, and fulfillment.
I'm leaving this afternoon to spend about four days on a contemplative retreat near the monastery where Thomas Merton lived and wrote. I'm pretty nervous about having to leave behind my laptop, my cell phone, my music, my blog, my Twitter, my email, my Facebook, my life as I live it every day. But I also know there is something beautiful and important for me. I'm looking forward to this time almost as much as I am anxious about it.
--
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"
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1 comment:
I notice..the big things..the small things...everyday- and I'm so proud. :)
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