Monday, October 11, 2010
Every "Yes" is a Thousand "No's"
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I struggle with making big decisions. I am plagued by a desire to do it all. So I dream big, but I dream different every day, and I usually end up not doing anything. I forget my day-to-day dreams, and I simply continue with life as commonplace.
One reason I hesitate to follow any one particular dream is because to do so would mean that I could not follow my other dreams. This is one reason why I struggled to decide upon a Master's program for several years. If I chose theology, I couldn't also do international studies or social work, and vice versa. You can quickly see how silly this logic is. Wouldn't it be better to do at lay one thing you want, rather than nothing?
But in reality, I go around in circles in my head, and end up just where I started. I want to do it all, but I feel like I end up doing nothing.
Right now I'm thinking about choices I have to make for the summer, for potential trips, choices about what classes to take, what field placement I would like, and what I want my professional career to look like. I feel burdened by these choices. I want to do it all!
In times like these, I try to remember what my special director reminded me, that every yes is a no to everything else. Every decision to do one thing is necessarily a decision not to do everything else.
I want to choose a path. I want to feel confident about out, to be excited and energized and passionate about my future. I don't want to feel haunted by the "no's" - instead I want to believe in my "yes."
I struggle with making big decisions. I am plagued by a desire to do it all. So I dream big, but I dream different every day, and I usually end up not doing anything. I forget my day-to-day dreams, and I simply continue with life as commonplace.
One reason I hesitate to follow any one particular dream is because to do so would mean that I could not follow my other dreams. This is one reason why I struggled to decide upon a Master's program for several years. If I chose theology, I couldn't also do international studies or social work, and vice versa. You can quickly see how silly this logic is. Wouldn't it be better to do at lay one thing you want, rather than nothing?
But in reality, I go around in circles in my head, and end up just where I started. I want to do it all, but I feel like I end up doing nothing.
Right now I'm thinking about choices I have to make for the summer, for potential trips, choices about what classes to take, what field placement I would like, and what I want my professional career to look like. I feel burdened by these choices. I want to do it all!
In times like these, I try to remember what my special director reminded me, that every yes is a no to everything else. Every decision to do one thing is necessarily a decision not to do everything else.
I want to choose a path. I want to feel confident about out, to be excited and energized and passionate about my future. I don't want to feel haunted by the "no's" - instead I want to believe in my "yes."
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2 comments:
From a slightly different angle: the days I find myself struggling with "path" are not so much the days I want to choose a path, but the days I am frustrated by the difficulty of one I have chosen.
What I struggle to remember is that there are not many whose paths last as long as their lives. And I realize my current path will end (read: my kids will all be in school and I'll have to figure out what to do with myself all over again) before too long, and likely before I am fully prepared. Remembering that, I am more able to appreciate the wonder of my current path--things like the palpable innocence of my daughters singing in the car.
Too often, though, I think we define what it means to be on a path so narrowly that I miss the shorter, tangential paths we often call transitions. We're always on a path, whether of our own choosing or another's; so much of contentment is in recognition of and commitment to the present. It is a wonder I manage to forget that so frequently.
"Too often, though, I think we define what it means to be on a path so narrowly that I miss the shorter tangential paths we often call transitions. We're always on a path, whether of our own choosing or another's; so much of contentment is in recognition of and commitment to the present. It is a wonder I manage to forget that so frequently"
So true. Thanks for the reminder. The searching is the finding. The journey is the goal.
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