Thursday, May 26, 2011
Dealing with Death
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I don't have anything profound to say here, but I feel like the act of writing and sharing might also be healing for me. As I've written before, my grandfather, Morton Schroeder died of cancer on May 5th. We knew he was sick; we knew he was dying; and his death was not a surprise. It many ways, it was a blessing that he went quickly, and we all had ample opportunity to say goodbye.
I don't have anything profound to say here, but I feel like the act of writing and sharing might also be healing for me. As I've written before, my grandfather, Morton Schroeder died of cancer on May 5th. We knew he was sick; we knew he was dying; and his death was not a surprise. It many ways, it was a blessing that he went quickly, and we all had ample opportunity to say goodbye.
In stark contrast is the death of my grandmother, Barbara Johne. This morning, while riding with her husband to a routine eye exam, she had a heart attack and died before the ambulance arrived. She was a vibrant, lively, loving person, and her sudden death is a shock to my family. As my grandpa said when we called him this afternoon, "We expected to die sometime, but we didn't expect that it would be this morning."
I had several months to process the fact that my grandpa Schroeder was dying, and in fact now is dead. I am very grateful for all he did for my family, and I know that he lived a great life. His funeral was beautiful, and it was a wonderful time to gather with family whom I hadn't seen in many years.
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| Grandma & Grandpa Johne (on either end), with Kel, Eve, myself and Zack |
I am in shock about my grandmother's death. I have many wonderful memories of her. She had the sweetest voice; she was amazingly gracious and kind, and her smiles and hugs are unparalleled. I remember that she never spoke negatively about anything. I tend to be a complainer, and when I would complain to her, she was always able to remind me that there is positive in any situation. She was able to put a touch of grace into any conversation, and it always left me feeling like I wanted to be a better person, a more loving and kind person. She had a wonderful laugh, and she spoke with deep conviction and love.
Perhaps one of the saddest things about losing both my grandfather and grandmother, is thinking about their spouses. My grandma Schroeder is a small, frail woman, and it breaks my heart to think of her alone in her home. My grandpa Johne is a wonderful man, and he was all the more wonderful because of his wife! The two of them together were so sweet, and they were clearly enjoying their last years together, in northern Michigan, surrounded by family. I can't imagine the sense of loss and loneliness they must experience.
But surprisingly, neither my grandma or grandpa talk this way. They are still themselves. Yes, they miss their spouse, but they continue to love their spouse after they are gone. And in a way, they continue to be loved by their spouse. There is a connection that goes beyond even death. It's truly beautiful.
I am so grateful for my family. It was a blessing to spend time with my mother and father today and we sat and reflected upon Grandma Johne and how special she was. We ate lunch together. We laughed and talked and supported each other.
The miracle of family is that it is the most amazing thing in the world, and its something that we all experience to one degree or another. I've never been very emotional regarding death, but losing two grandparents in one month, in very different ways, is an experience that has opened me up to the importance of grief, sadness, and recognizing that loss is a part of life.
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1 comment:
Thanks for posting this Jesse. Just thinking about how much of a positive influence Grandma and Grandpa Johne have been on me. Just last week I had to write a story about a turtle in Khmer so I wrote about the time I caught a huge snapping turtle the summer I stayed at Grandma and Grandpa's house by the seminary. Their amazing love for each other, us grandchildren and just love of life in general has always astounded me. Their stories of Nigeria and Japan really had a huge impact on me. I'm sad I wasn't able to make it to Grandpa Schroeder's funeral and won't be able to make it to Grandma's memorial service, but know that I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for them.
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