Jesse A. Schroeder

I don't know what I'm looking for.
But I'm sure I haven't found it yet.
And I'll know when I do.

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." - Ps. 84:5

These words describe well my feelings as of late, much in response to not having a job for a few months. What is most challenging for me right now, is the sense of wandering aimlessly without a goal or direction. But I'm realizing that what I used to rely upon as direction for each day was really a crutch for shaping my character. Instead of having a heart truly set on finding God alone each day, I was content to find success, small accomplishments, daily achievements and a general sense of "doing good" and feel like that was the same thing as God.

The heart of the pilgrim is not satisfied to stay put. They set out across a vast, dark, ocean of uncertainty. They are more likely to find sickness, death, heartache and loss then comfort, peace and success. The daily stories of most pilgrims are untold, but their heritage lives on.

What I have realized about myself more than anything in the last few weeks is that my heart is set on finding God. But I have also realized that I'm not entirely sure what that means, and I'm certain I don't know what it looks like in my every day life.

But I am committed to getting there.

I don't know what I'm looking for.
But I'm sure I haven't found it yet.
And I'll know when I do.