Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Sunday, February 26, 2012
The Descending Way
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During this season of Lent, I am reading "Show Me the Way," which includes selections from Henri Nouwen's books. He is one of my favorite authors, and the selections from Friday are examples of why I love his writing. I'll quote a bit, and then write some of my thoughts.
When I heard the news early Friday morning, it was obviously a surprise. And having recently confronted death in the experience of my brother-in-law, Jon, many similar emotions arose. More than anything, I kept thinking, "Why? Why so much death? So much death...." And then I remembered the people who live in war-torn parts of the world, countries in which death is an every day experience, places where dying a "natural death" is the exception rather than the norm.
So much death. How does a life that is filled with death involve a so-called "God of love"? It's hard to escape these questions, and like Nouwen says, "every fiber of our being rebels against it." Nouwen also writes:
The mystery is that, when we ask these questions, and look for God, "we discover his footprints," and we realize that he has been her before us. He is the descending God, the God who gave up all power and glory to take on humanity, and to walk the way of shame, condemnation and death. He has walked this path before us. The sense of his absence is a reminder that he has been here before - it is "a purifying absence." The descending way rids us of any false sense of strength, self-sufficiency, control, or immortality, which we so desperately cling to day after day.
I don't like this descending way, but I have come to trust that it is somehow better. I have come to believe that a God who is present in life and death is a God I can trust and love, no matter what. I have hope that this God has truly conquered death, in this life and the next.
And so the descending way hurts. Good God, it hurts. Every fiber of my being rebels against it. But it is the way of Jesus, the God-human, who showed us what abundant life looks like, the abundant life that includes an intimate knowledge of the pain of death.
During this season of Lent, I am reading "Show Me the Way," which includes selections from Henri Nouwen's books. He is one of my favorite authors, and the selections from Friday are examples of why I love his writing. I'll quote a bit, and then write some of my thoughts.
"The love of God [has] become visible in Jesus...It is made visible in the descending way. That is the great mystery of the Incarnation. God has descended to us human beings to become a human being with us; and once among us, descended to the total dereliction of one condemned to death. It isn't easy really to feel and understand from the inside this descending way of Jesus. Every fiber of our being rebels against it...For Jesus' way is God's way and God's way is not for Jesus only but for everyone who is truly seeking God. Here we come up against the hard truth that the descending way of Jesus is also the way for us to find God. Jesus doesn't hesitate for a moment to make that clear."This week I was confronted with death once again, in a personal way, within my family. My young cousin, Caleb, was found dead in his home. The causes are yet uncertain, but it appears to be an accident, perhaps involving drugs. He had struggled in his life, recently getting out of jail, trying to get back into a working lifestyle and perhaps continue his education. He was also an extremely talented person. Like others in his family, he was very athletic, good-looking, smart, and just a great guy to hang out with.
When I heard the news early Friday morning, it was obviously a surprise. And having recently confronted death in the experience of my brother-in-law, Jon, many similar emotions arose. More than anything, I kept thinking, "Why? Why so much death? So much death...." And then I remembered the people who live in war-torn parts of the world, countries in which death is an every day experience, places where dying a "natural death" is the exception rather than the norm.
So much death. How does a life that is filled with death involve a so-called "God of love"? It's hard to escape these questions, and like Nouwen says, "every fiber of our being rebels against it." Nouwen also writes:
"The mystery of God's presence, therefore, can be touched only by a deep awareness of his absence. it is in the center of our longing for the absent God that we discover his footprints, and realize that our desire to love God is born out of the love with which he has touched us...In our violent times, in which destruction of life is so rampant and the raw wounds of humanity so visible, it is very hard to tolerate the experience of God as a purifying absence, and to keep our hearts open so as to patiently and reverently prepare his way."Yes, God feels absent. Where is God in these difficult times? Where is God, when a mother finds her son, dead in her own home? Where is God, when we awake every morning to the sense that we are living a nightmare, our best friend and brother is no longer alive, but is dead? Where is God, in this life that contains so much death?
The mystery is that, when we ask these questions, and look for God, "we discover his footprints," and we realize that he has been her before us. He is the descending God, the God who gave up all power and glory to take on humanity, and to walk the way of shame, condemnation and death. He has walked this path before us. The sense of his absence is a reminder that he has been here before - it is "a purifying absence." The descending way rids us of any false sense of strength, self-sufficiency, control, or immortality, which we so desperately cling to day after day.
I don't like this descending way, but I have come to trust that it is somehow better. I have come to believe that a God who is present in life and death is a God I can trust and love, no matter what. I have hope that this God has truly conquered death, in this life and the next.
And so the descending way hurts. Good God, it hurts. Every fiber of my being rebels against it. But it is the way of Jesus, the God-human, who showed us what abundant life looks like, the abundant life that includes an intimate knowledge of the pain of death.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Mourning and The Loss of Love
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I am in mourning. I recently lost a family member and one of my best friends. But what does it look like, to be "in mourning" in America?
That's the question this article from The Atlantic explores. The authors points out that in the 1800s, the mourning period was years, not days. Family members would wear black, and even cover their faces for months before the mourning period was over. Now, the standard time period is less than a week. In fact, most employers give only 3 days for "in town family bereavement."
My graduate school offers no family bereavement policy. Meaning that I am left to plead my case to each professor one at a time. Really? This is how we deal with the death of those closest to us? 3 days and ask for an extension?
The author of the article writes, "Mourning is murkier now. It is less regulated, less public, less prescribed. The 20th century brought a reshaping of grieving as an institution, transforming it from a public ritual to a private burden and reframing it as something that could be kept, under complete control by strength of will and character, so that it need be given no public expression. Or, more specifically, no time for public expression."
I received the following selection from Thomas Merton from a daily email list, and I thought it described my feelings of grief that day:
"Love is the revelation of our deepest personal meaning, value and identity...I cannot find myself in myself, but only in another...Love is not only a special way of being alive, it is the perfection of life. He who loves is more alive and more real that he was when he did not love."
I loved my brother-in-law, and if Merton is right, then I was more alive when I was loving him - hanging out, going to movies, just talking and laughing - than when I was not sharing that love. And so now, as I try to find time to grieve, I realize that I feel less alive, because I have lost someone that I love. Someone who somehow held part of my "deepest personal meaning, value and identity."
And so in a sense, I am grieving not only the loss of Jon, but the loss of myself. Mourning involves discovering a new sense of self. And that's a long process, one that certainly takes more than a few days.
I am in mourning. I recently lost a family member and one of my best friends. But what does it look like, to be "in mourning" in America?
That's the question this article from The Atlantic explores. The authors points out that in the 1800s, the mourning period was years, not days. Family members would wear black, and even cover their faces for months before the mourning period was over. Now, the standard time period is less than a week. In fact, most employers give only 3 days for "in town family bereavement."
My graduate school offers no family bereavement policy. Meaning that I am left to plead my case to each professor one at a time. Really? This is how we deal with the death of those closest to us? 3 days and ask for an extension?
The author of the article writes, "Mourning is murkier now. It is less regulated, less public, less prescribed. The 20th century brought a reshaping of grieving as an institution, transforming it from a public ritual to a private burden and reframing it as something that could be kept, under complete control by strength of will and character, so that it need be given no public expression. Or, more specifically, no time for public expression."
I received the following selection from Thomas Merton from a daily email list, and I thought it described my feelings of grief that day:
"Love is the revelation of our deepest personal meaning, value and identity...I cannot find myself in myself, but only in another...Love is not only a special way of being alive, it is the perfection of life. He who loves is more alive and more real that he was when he did not love."
I loved my brother-in-law, and if Merton is right, then I was more alive when I was loving him - hanging out, going to movies, just talking and laughing - than when I was not sharing that love. And so now, as I try to find time to grieve, I realize that I feel less alive, because I have lost someone that I love. Someone who somehow held part of my "deepest personal meaning, value and identity."
And so in a sense, I am grieving not only the loss of Jon, but the loss of myself. Mourning involves discovering a new sense of self. And that's a long process, one that certainly takes more than a few days.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Our Family Page
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Did you know we have a family blog too? We post fun pictures, reflections, and a video or two - mostly all of Aleli.
Did you know we have a family blog too? We post fun pictures, reflections, and a video or two - mostly all of Aleli.
http://schrofam.tumblr.com/
Pictures like this one:
Friday, February 10, 2012
Sunflower Seeds
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The following is a selection from the words I shared at Jon's services, both in Ohio and Virginia. It was a privilege and a challenge to be able to speak about a man so great as Jonathan Eades, and I pray my words honored Jon and honored God.
The following is a selection from the words I shared at Jon's services, both in Ohio and Virginia. It was a privilege and a challenge to be able to speak about a man so great as Jonathan Eades, and I pray my words honored Jon and honored God.
----
One time, as I sat down on his couch, he said, “Hey man,
have you heard of Ai Weiwei?” – Umm….no Jon, I have not heard of Ai Weiwei. “He’s
a Chinese artist.” “Oh right, of course, Ai Weiwei (I lied). What did he do
again?” “His latest exhibit is sunflower seeds. 100 million porcelain sunflower
flower seeds, hand painted by 1,600 Chinese workers, and spread across a room
the size of a football field. It’s meant to be a commentary on life.”
A sunflower seed. So simple, yet filled with so much
potential. Each sunflower seed in this exhibit was hand-painted, unique, and
different.
What significance could one seed have amongst millions?
What significance could one person have in his life?
Another time I was with Jon, he was volunteering at Saturday
night church at Grove City Nazarene. One of songs that evening contained the
lyrics, “We are on the winning side.” As we drove home that night, I asked Jon,
“What does that mean to you, Jon, to be on the winning side?” He thought for a
moment, and then told me something I will never forget.
He said, “Sure, I would love to be healed. I don’t want to
be in this wheelchair. But I know that God uses my disease to make me more like
Christ.”
Jon understood and embodied, at a very deep level, what Paul
wrote about in 2 Corinthians chapter 4 –
“We have this treasure
in jars of clay (our frail human bodies) to show that this all-surpassing power
is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed
on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted,
but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We
always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus
may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are
alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life
may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So
then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”
What difference could one person make in his lifetime? One
person, who submits his life God, willingly, no matter what the cost.
Jesus used the imagery of a seed several times. He said, “If
you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains.” Jon had a
faith that was strong enough to move mountains. In fact, even though his
disease made him so weak, I don’t hesitate to say that he is the strongest man
I have ever known.
Jesus also said that unless the grain of wheat, the seed,
falls to the ground, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces
many seeds. Just as the seed dies, is buried, and then produces new life and
many new seeds, so we too, when we die in Christ, are resurrected to new life.
But Jesus challenges us in
this life to “Take up our cross and follow him,” and Paul writes, “Count
yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” Jon was faced with
the realities of his imminent physical death every day, but he lived, alive in
Christ every day. He was willing to die to himself, to take on the attitude of
Christ, to be humble, to be patient, to be kind, to be a man of hope, faith and
perseverance. Through the continual death and deterioration of his body day by
day by day, new life – the life of Christ – was born, day by day, and many
seeds were sown.
Paul says later in 2 Corinthians 4, “We do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by
day.17 For our light and momentary troubles are
achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
What impact can one seed, one person, have upon our lives?
Jon impacted me greatly. Many times I thought about the
words he said, “God uses my disease to make me more like Christ.” As Kellye and
I sat with him in the hospital room, sat beside his bed while he rested,
offered him a drink of water from a straw, adjusted his pillow or his blankets,
and read the cards that friends and family sent to him, I thought about those
words again. And I realized that God was using Jon’s disease not only to make
Jon more like Christ, but to change me as well. Because when I was with Jon, I
was more like Christ. I was more caring. I was more patient. I was more kind. I
was more loving. Like Paul said, “Death is at work in us, but life is at work
in you.”
What does it mean to be on the winning side? Jon understood
that it meant more than being fully able-bodied, that it means more than having
all of your physical and material wants met. True victory comes from knowing
Christ. “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” Or as Paul concludes the section
of 2 Corinthians 4 from which I been reading, “18 We fix
our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is
temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Of course we all know the beauty of the sunflower is its
single focus, from which the flower gets its name – a flower that is so focused
upon the sun, it follows it’s path throughout the course of the day, pointing
its petals in the direction of the rays of light. And if you remember nothing
else from this analogy of the sunflower, remember this – Jon’s life had a
single focus, Jesus Christ. The Psalmist writes, “Not to us Lord, but to your
name, be the glory.” And this was how Jon lived his life. Christ was his hope.
Christ was his strength. Christ was his reason for living, and Christ is the
reason he is alive today, praising God in heaven.
Jon “fixed his eyes not on the temporary, but on the eternal.”
What is temporary is this casket, is this death. But what is eternal, is life
with God, life that Jon is living right now. What is eternal are the seeds of
hope, perseverance and faith that Jon sowed into each and every one of our
lives.
We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.
It is a mystery, this little seed. This little seed, that when
it dies, produces new life, and in turn produces many new seeds, that lead to
more new life.
It is a mystery to me, the way God works sometimes. A man
like Jonathan Eades, so weak, yet so strong. A man like Jon, who understood
that his wheelchair was not a burden, but a pathway to becoming like Christ.
It is a mystery to me, that this life that we live, full of
great adventures and travels to far off lands, always ends in death. And it
always hurts.
It is a mystery to me, the way that God loves us.
And today, as I reflect on his life, perhaps the greatest
mystery to me, is that I could be so lucky as to know Jonathan Eades.
Friday, February 3, 2012
A Just-Finishing Candle
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A poem I read last week that has stuck with me.
--
A candle is made to become entirely flame.
In that annihilating moment
it has no shadow.
In that annihilating moment
it has no shadow.
It is nothing but a tongue of light
describing a refuge.
describing a refuge.
Look at this
just-finishing candle stub
as someone who is finally safe
from virtue and vice,
just-finishing candle stub
as someone who is finally safe
from virtue and vice,
the pride and the shame
we claim from those.
we claim from those.
- Rumi
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Family Heritage
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In two of my classes on Friday, we were asked to discuss the topic of family. The first class, we each drew a picture of our family, a typical therapeutic exercise for children. I drew (as best I could) the Earth, with the couples of my immediate family in different parts of the world, but still connected. I also drew my grandparents sort of "below" the Earth, trying to show that they had passed away, but were still part of my family.
Then, Friday evening, I found these two pictures of my family. The first shows my Grandpa and Grandma Johne with my siblings and myself, as well as a few of my cousins (I'm the one with the red shirt). We are in Wisconsin at our family reunion spot, Camp Croix. Spending a week at Camp Croix with my extended family is one of my most beloved childhood memories. We would swim, fish, stay in cabins, have big bonfires, make dozens of pizzas for dinner, and have many little adventures together. My grandparents were so loving, would spend hours just hanging out with us, and were so clearly loved by everyone in the family. This picture really captures that feeling.
The second picture is of the same grandparents, bringing home their third child. I have not confirmed this with my mother or anyone else, but I think that in the picture is my aunt Peggy, my mom, and my uncle Peter (the baby). This picture is a glimpse of my family heritage. I think that you can see, once again, how happy my grandparents are, and what a beautiful family they have.
I know that not everyone has such wonderful memories of their family, let alone their grandparents and their extended family. Some people have never met their grandparents, or have very bad experiences with family. For others, family may be more of a burden than a blessing.
However, in my personal experience, as I reflect upon what it means to "be family" and "have a family," and I think about the significance of my family in my life, it can hardly be summed up in just a few pictures. I like that these pictures offer a sense of heritage, the value of family passed down from generation to generation. When I reflect upon my current life - married, turning 30 this year, a new dad, finishing graduate school, generally healthy and happy - I realize that so much of what I enjoy every day is a direct result of my family heritage. My grandparents worked hard and sacrificed much. But they also worked hard at instilling values in the family, and they never sacrificed faith or love. These core values were passed down to me, and as a result my understanding and experience of family is that it is one of the most profound blessings of life.
As a result, Kellye and I are working to arrange our life so that our children can have a similar experience. We are thrilled that Aleli is growing up around her grandparents. She spends at least 2 days a week with them, and sometimes much more. We hope that as she gets older, she will know her grandparents very well, and she will know their faith and love too.
I've often reflected that the amazing thing about family is that it is, in some ways, the greatest blessing possible that any one person could experience. And at the same time, it is the blessing that every person does experience, in one way or another. I'm thankful for my experience, and I'm trying to make the experience of my children something beautiful as well.
In two of my classes on Friday, we were asked to discuss the topic of family. The first class, we each drew a picture of our family, a typical therapeutic exercise for children. I drew (as best I could) the Earth, with the couples of my immediate family in different parts of the world, but still connected. I also drew my grandparents sort of "below" the Earth, trying to show that they had passed away, but were still part of my family.
In the second class, we were asked to define "family," which is actually pretty difficult when you think about it! There are many different expressions of a family, especially when considering different cultures and places in the world. We then talked about mapping our family through what is called a genogram, which is basically a simple way to use symbols to quickly portray the family history and relationships amongst members of the family.
I know that not everyone has such wonderful memories of their family, let alone their grandparents and their extended family. Some people have never met their grandparents, or have very bad experiences with family. For others, family may be more of a burden than a blessing.
However, in my personal experience, as I reflect upon what it means to "be family" and "have a family," and I think about the significance of my family in my life, it can hardly be summed up in just a few pictures. I like that these pictures offer a sense of heritage, the value of family passed down from generation to generation. When I reflect upon my current life - married, turning 30 this year, a new dad, finishing graduate school, generally healthy and happy - I realize that so much of what I enjoy every day is a direct result of my family heritage. My grandparents worked hard and sacrificed much. But they also worked hard at instilling values in the family, and they never sacrificed faith or love. These core values were passed down to me, and as a result my understanding and experience of family is that it is one of the most profound blessings of life.
As a result, Kellye and I are working to arrange our life so that our children can have a similar experience. We are thrilled that Aleli is growing up around her grandparents. She spends at least 2 days a week with them, and sometimes much more. We hope that as she gets older, she will know her grandparents very well, and she will know their faith and love too.
I've often reflected that the amazing thing about family is that it is, in some ways, the greatest blessing possible that any one person could experience. And at the same time, it is the blessing that every person does experience, in one way or another. I'm thankful for my experience, and I'm trying to make the experience of my children something beautiful as well.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The Days at Home
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Because I am in graduate school, I get to enjoy days at home with my daughter. This quarter, I will be home every Wednesday - just her and I, hanging out.
I found myself jumping from small task to small task - dishes, straightening the house, feed Aleli, help her get settled, call the bank, make more formula, check the mail, change a diaper. This sort of ongoing mini-task attack continued all day. By noon, I realized that I had not showered. Then by 3pm, I debated to myself about whether or not I really needed to shower today. Finally, but 4:30 when Kellye came home, I jumped in the shower and put on relatively clean clothes (ie, no spit up stains).
However, I also gained a deep envy for those parents who get to stay at home with their children. Aleli and I shared some special moments today such as going to the store, laughing with each other, sitting and watching the snow melt, laying on the floor "playing." I can only imagine that these experiences together will only get better as she gets older and interacts more. I absolutely love these times together, and I fear that they will go by way too quickly. And so I am doing my best to cherish and value my days as a stay at home parent, and I have the utmost envy for those folks who have the privilege of doing this every day.
These days at home have really opened my eyes to the reality of the so-called "stay at home parent." I never thought a stay at home mom/dad had it "easy." But I spent a good part of my day today reflecting on the unique role of the stay at home parent - the challenges, joys, ups and downs.
One challenge is that there is nothing really scheduled in the day. Your day just sort of follows the flow of what is happening with your child at that moment. Thankfully, today was a good day for Aleli. She wasn't too fussy and was in a pretty good eat/play/sleep routine. But I can imagine days when a child may be sick, cranky, over-tired, and just not in a good mood. When things go wrong with your child, your entire day goes wrong.
This free-flowing day is in sharp contrast with a normal work day in which there are set times for work to start, eating lunch, appointments, meetings, deadlines, etc. There is a time to do something, it gets done, and you move on. But during days at home, the question constantly runs in the back of my mind, "What should I do now? What should I do next?"
I found myself jumping from small task to small task - dishes, straightening the house, feed Aleli, help her get settled, call the bank, make more formula, check the mail, change a diaper. This sort of ongoing mini-task attack continued all day. By noon, I realized that I had not showered. Then by 3pm, I debated to myself about whether or not I really needed to shower today. Finally, but 4:30 when Kellye came home, I jumped in the shower and put on relatively clean clothes (ie, no spit up stains).
In short, I gained a new level of respect for stay at home parents today. Like I said, I always knew it was a respectable job, but I felt like today I experienced a little bit more. It wasn't my first day home with Aleli alone, and it won't be my last, but it was day in which I intentionally recognized the unique challenges of the job of being a stay at home parent.
However, I also gained a deep envy for those parents who get to stay at home with their children. Aleli and I shared some special moments today such as going to the store, laughing with each other, sitting and watching the snow melt, laying on the floor "playing." I can only imagine that these experiences together will only get better as she gets older and interacts more. I absolutely love these times together, and I fear that they will go by way too quickly. And so I am doing my best to cherish and value my days as a stay at home parent, and I have the utmost envy for those folks who have the privilege of doing this every day.
Yeah, its tough. But its certainly beautiful.
Friday, December 9, 2011
When there's nothing left to say or do
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Aleli is now 3 months old, and Kellye and I continually reflect on all of the many things for which we are grateful. The week of Thanksgiving was spent with many family members, including my siblings who flew into town from all over the world. We sort of had a 3-day-Thanksgiving-celebration, spent at different houses, eating great food every day, and really enjoying being together, as well as sharing Aleli with everyone.
Aleli is now 3 months old, and Kellye and I continually reflect on all of the many things for which we are grateful. The week of Thanksgiving was spent with many family members, including my siblings who flew into town from all over the world. We sort of had a 3-day-Thanksgiving-celebration, spent at different houses, eating great food every day, and really enjoying being together, as well as sharing Aleli with everyone.
In addition to family, I have a great internship in which I am learning applicable skills and information, but is also flexible in allowing me time to be home when needed. Kellye's job gave her 12 full weeks of paid time off. We have a great community of friends who are always doing fun and interesting things. And most of all, our little girl is healthy, happy, and just so stinking amazing.
We reflect on all of these things, and we feel a deep sense of gratitude. It's easy to write about things we are thankful for, but I feel like I'm learning about a new aspect of gratitude that I haven't realized before:
True gratitude leads to deeper humility.
Kellye and I are both reciprocal givers - we like things to be equal. Many folks gave us cards and gifts for Aleli, and we were careful to write thank you cards back to all of them. We keep a sort of back-of-the-mind mental log of who gave us gifts, and we try to give gifts of equal value back to them. That's a way that we say "thank you," and its also probably a little compulsive and unhealthy, but we won't go there.
The point is, there are some people to whom you can say "thank you" and can write a card, and can even give a gift back at an appropriate time. But when you think of the whole of your life, your family, the health of your child, and a general sense of a happiness - there is nothing more to say or do.
I can't write a thank you cards to my siblings and say "thank you for being in my family!" I can't buy a nice hallmark card to send to God. All I can do is tell my family, express to God, my gratitude and thankfulness.
And once I've done that, there's nothing more to say or do. I just have to receive it, enjoy it, live in it, and be thankful. And to me, that is really humbling. I want to be able to offer something more back.
But when you are truly grateful, all you can be is grateful. There isn't anything more you can, or need to say or do.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
November Pictures
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Here are a few pictures from November, including those from our walk downtown this past Saturday.
Here are a few pictures from November, including those from our walk downtown this past Saturday.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Due Date
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Today, November 11th, is Kellye's original due date to deliver Aleli. That means Aleli is officially "full term," or as we like to say, she's now zero!
It's hard to believe that Aleli has been with us for two months, and even harder to believe that Kellye could still be pregnant or in labor right now. We never expected this to be our path, but as we've come to realize, this is the "hand we've been dealt," per say, and we wouldn't want it to be any other way.
Most importantly Aleli is very healthy. At her pediatric appointment yesterday, she weighed 6 lbs 12 ozs and her doctor was impressed with her strength and growth. We are deeply grateful that she is healthy, and we know there are many reasons and possibilities for health concerns. But more than that, we know her life is in God's hands, from the day she was born and for the rest of her life.
We took the time to do some "studio" pictures today (just at JC Penny, no big deal) but here are some of the shots. It felt like an appropriate celebration that Aleli is finally zero!!
Today, November 11th, is Kellye's original due date to deliver Aleli. That means Aleli is officially "full term," or as we like to say, she's now zero!
It's hard to believe that Aleli has been with us for two months, and even harder to believe that Kellye could still be pregnant or in labor right now. We never expected this to be our path, but as we've come to realize, this is the "hand we've been dealt," per say, and we wouldn't want it to be any other way.
Most importantly Aleli is very healthy. At her pediatric appointment yesterday, she weighed 6 lbs 12 ozs and her doctor was impressed with her strength and growth. We are deeply grateful that she is healthy, and we know there are many reasons and possibilities for health concerns. But more than that, we know her life is in God's hands, from the day she was born and for the rest of her life.
We took the time to do some "studio" pictures today (just at JC Penny, no big deal) but here are some of the shots. It felt like an appropriate celebration that Aleli is finally zero!!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
First week at home
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Aleli has been home with us for over a week now, and things are going very well. The first few days we were very nervous, as I'm sure most new parents are. Even when we had the time to sleep, it was difficult to sleep because we were concerned about Aleli. However, we have been able to relax a bit more over the past few days, and now we are just really enjoying having our family at home.
Aleli has been home with us for over a week now, and things are going very well. The first few days we were very nervous, as I'm sure most new parents are. Even when we had the time to sleep, it was difficult to sleep because we were concerned about Aleli. However, we have been able to relax a bit more over the past few days, and now we are just really enjoying having our family at home.
Aleli still struggles a bit with eating, but she is getting better. She has to really focus to swallow, and so when she burps it is really confusing (the food is coming up now?!? What??!?) For about 5 days, every time we fed her she would stop breathing at least once, and we would have to wait, pat her back, and help her catch her breath. But thankfully, that is happening less and less now. Those moments can be very scary for us, as we slowly watch her color fade and her eyes get bigger, even though we know she will catch her breath eventually.
She saw her pediatrician last Wednesday, and her doctor was very impressed with her progress. She thought that Aleli looked very healthy and she said repeatedly that we were very blessed to have such a healthy preemie baby. Today, Aleli passed her second eye exam and she doesn't have to return for one year! Tomorrow a nurse will visit our house to make sure everything is going well. Hopefully, after a few more days the doctor's visits and appointments will settle down.
I have been taking some time off of my internship, and Kellye is scheduled to return to teaching the second week of December. Today we took our first walk outside as a new family - myself, Kellye, Darsi and Aleli in her stroller. It was a bit surreal, but really beautiful too.
I'm really trying to soak in these moments and not rush through them. It's easy to feel pressure to "get back to work" or "back to normal life." But then I remember that Aleli will never again be this small. We'll never have these days together again. And so I should just cherish and value the time that we can share together.
A few pics from this week:
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Leaving the NICU...
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...Coming Home.
...Coming Home.
Here are some pictures from our last couple of days in the NICU, and then of Monday afternoon coming home.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Welcome Home
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We are so pleased to announce that Aleli Nicole arrived home from the hospital, this afternoon around 5pm. Here is a short video that shows her trip home.
We are so pleased to announce that Aleli Nicole arrived home from the hospital, this afternoon around 5pm. Here is a short video that shows her trip home.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
One Month
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As we move forward, the reality is that at any given point, Aleli is only 5 days away from being able to go home. However, during those five days, she must eat all of her food by bottle (on her own, without her feeding tube), maintain her body temperature, and have no "spells" (heart rate drop or oxygen level decrease). Right now, Aleli eats from a bottle about every other time she feeds, and sometimes she takes the whole bottle. Other times she only takes about half. The nurses and doctors continue to say they are looking for her to do more, but Kellye and I think they don't always take into account her age and her journey.
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| 1 month! |
Today marks a full month that Aleli has been with us and in the NICU at Riverside hospital. It is still difficult for Kellye and I to comprehend that we are truly parents and that this miracle has happened much sooner and much faster than we expected. But when we step back, we see how truly blessed we are, and we continue to marvel that we really have a daughter.
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| 2 days old |
One month ago, Aleli weighed less than 3 pounds, had dry, red skin, struggled to breathe, and needed the assistance of an I.V., a breathing machine, and phototherapy. Today, she weighs over 4 pounds, needs no externals assistance to breathe, no phototherapy, no I.V., and her skin is a beautiful pink color. She has really come a long way in just a few weeks.
To celebrate her one month anniversary, Aleli decided she wanted a new kind of crib. Actually, her doctor's finally decided she was ready for a standard newborn crib. But regardless, today she will transition out of her isolette into a standard crib (I'll get pictures later this afternoon and update this blog).
As we move forward, the reality is that at any given point, Aleli is only 5 days away from being able to go home. However, during those five days, she must eat all of her food by bottle (on her own, without her feeding tube), maintain her body temperature, and have no "spells" (heart rate drop or oxygen level decrease). Right now, Aleli eats from a bottle about every other time she feeds, and sometimes she takes the whole bottle. Other times she only takes about half. The nurses and doctors continue to say they are looking for her to do more, but Kellye and I think they don't always take into account her age and her journey.
Regardless, we would ask each of you to pray that she begins to eat really well. She needs to be awake, showing signs she is ready for a bottle, and she needs to take her entire bottle during the feeding. If she begins to do this consistently, then we will really be on our way out the door!
Thank you again to everyone for your support. Your love, prayers and gifts are appreciated beyond what we can communicate through words. We know that in God's economy, he will give back to all of you in a way even more abundant than what you have given us.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Aleli is Growing!
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Aleli has now been with us for three weeks, and she is really making strides. As you can see from the pictures above, she is looking better every day. This week, she started to drink from a bottle, which makes her care time much more exciting. If she is awake and seems to show that she is interested, we give her a bottle and let her drink as much as she can until she gets too tired. Usually it is between 1/3 and 1/2 of her full amount.
She is also wearing clothes! Its fun to pick out "onesies" for her, and of course even though they are preemie size, they are still way to big. But she looks cut in flowers and in purple. The reason that she is wearing clothes now is because the nurses have progressively lowered the temperature in her isolate. Her bed is now only a few degrees warmer than normal room temperature, so she is learning to regulate her own body temperature.
At this point, many people are asking about when she might be able to come home. The nurses and doctors refrain from addressing this because, truthfully, anything could happen at any day (infections, not eating as well, etc.) However, we have picked up on a few important milestones. First, of course, is weight. A "ballpark" number is 3,500 grams, or about 7.5 pounds. Right now, Aleli is 3 pounds 6 ounces, or about 1575 grams. So clearly, she needs a few more wrinkles and layers of baby fat!
The other important factor is eating. Aleli needs to be able to take a full feeding by bottle or by nursing, consistently showing that she doesn't need a feeding tube to receive the nutrients she needs. That is why we try bottle feeding with her whenever she is ready. However, she is still only about 34 weeks gestational age, which is still very young to be eating on her own.
Therefore, we do not expect Aleli to come home before the end of October. Our impression is that the doctors and nurses in the NICU take it one day at a time, evaluating her progress and keeping her on track. For example, today a nutritionist examined her weight, deciding whether or not to increase her calorie intake. All of these numbers are closely calculated and decisions are made each day, even every hour, as to what the best care is for Aleli. When she is big enough, and eating on her own, the nurses will tell us to get ready for her to go home. At that point, it is only a few days, and things move very quickly. But for now, we just watch her grow.
Ironically, there is a lot to do when you are just watching a preemie grow! Every day at the hospital we are meeting with nurses, doctors, consultants and therapists. Each person has a certain speciality, and each person has another important area they want to discuss with Kellye and I. Meanwhile, we try to hold Aleli between 3 and 6 hours a day, skin to skin. In between holdings, we are working on bottle feeding, nursing, and of course changing her diaper and clothes as needed, just like we would with any baby.
We are so thankful for her continued growth, for the wonderful support at the hospital, and for the prayers and gifts from friends and family. We have truly been blessed these past three weeks. More than anything, we are blessed with a new little baby girl who is growing more every day!
Aleli has now been with us for three weeks, and she is really making strides. As you can see from the pictures above, she is looking better every day. This week, she started to drink from a bottle, which makes her care time much more exciting. If she is awake and seems to show that she is interested, we give her a bottle and let her drink as much as she can until she gets too tired. Usually it is between 1/3 and 1/2 of her full amount.
She is also wearing clothes! Its fun to pick out "onesies" for her, and of course even though they are preemie size, they are still way to big. But she looks cut in flowers and in purple. The reason that she is wearing clothes now is because the nurses have progressively lowered the temperature in her isolate. Her bed is now only a few degrees warmer than normal room temperature, so she is learning to regulate her own body temperature.At this point, many people are asking about when she might be able to come home. The nurses and doctors refrain from addressing this because, truthfully, anything could happen at any day (infections, not eating as well, etc.) However, we have picked up on a few important milestones. First, of course, is weight. A "ballpark" number is 3,500 grams, or about 7.5 pounds. Right now, Aleli is 3 pounds 6 ounces, or about 1575 grams. So clearly, she needs a few more wrinkles and layers of baby fat!
The other important factor is eating. Aleli needs to be able to take a full feeding by bottle or by nursing, consistently showing that she doesn't need a feeding tube to receive the nutrients she needs. That is why we try bottle feeding with her whenever she is ready. However, she is still only about 34 weeks gestational age, which is still very young to be eating on her own.
Therefore, we do not expect Aleli to come home before the end of October. Our impression is that the doctors and nurses in the NICU take it one day at a time, evaluating her progress and keeping her on track. For example, today a nutritionist examined her weight, deciding whether or not to increase her calorie intake. All of these numbers are closely calculated and decisions are made each day, even every hour, as to what the best care is for Aleli. When she is big enough, and eating on her own, the nurses will tell us to get ready for her to go home. At that point, it is only a few days, and things move very quickly. But for now, we just watch her grow.
Ironically, there is a lot to do when you are just watching a preemie grow! Every day at the hospital we are meeting with nurses, doctors, consultants and therapists. Each person has a certain speciality, and each person has another important area they want to discuss with Kellye and I. Meanwhile, we try to hold Aleli between 3 and 6 hours a day, skin to skin. In between holdings, we are working on bottle feeding, nursing, and of course changing her diaper and clothes as needed, just like we would with any baby.
We are so thankful for her continued growth, for the wonderful support at the hospital, and for the prayers and gifts from friends and family. We have truly been blessed these past three weeks. More than anything, we are blessed with a new little baby girl who is growing more every day!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Bottle Time
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Aleli has started to learn to drink from a bottle. Previously to this, she received all her food (milk plus supplement) through a feeding tube that went through her mouth into her stomach. However, she is now at 33 weeks gestational age, and at this age babies learn the "sucking" reflex. In the womb, she would be sucking on her fingers, toes, knees, or anything she could get in her mouth. In the "outside" world, she is learning to suck on a pacifier.
It's been amazing to see the change in Aleli. Last week, we would put the pacifier in her mouth, she would maybe hold it there for a few seconds, and then it would fall out. This week, she goes to town! The nurses see this as a "cue" that she is ready to try bottle feeding. So on Friday morning at 11am, Aleli tried her first bottle with her nurse. We got to the hospital just as she was finishing up, but she did really well for a first try! She took about 10 milliliters, or about a third of her normal feeding amount. I fed her at 2pm, and Kel fed her at 5pm (see the pictures below), and each time she took between 5-10mls.
Feeding through a bottle is really tough for a preemie! Aleli has to think about sucking on the bottle, then think about swallowing the milk she gets, all the while remembering to breathe. At one point while I was feeding her, she stopped breathing and turned purple really fast! It was scary for a moment, but the nurse was near by, picked her up quickly, rubbed her back, and she started breathing again. Apparently this is common for preemies as they learn to bottle feed. The coordination of suck/swallow/breathe is difficult, and sometimes they get stuck.
So we try to encourage her to bottle feed, and whatever she doesn't get through the bottle is given to her through her feeding tube. Her feeding tube is now going through her nose to allow her to get her mouth around a bottle. However, the tube in her nose really annoys her! She sneezes a lot, and when she breathes the tube goes in and out a bit. She also grabs on the tube and pulls a bit. In fact, yesterday she pulled the tube right out!
However, this allowed her the chance to take a bottle without her tube in the way, and she did amazingly well! She took almost the entire 1 oz. by bottle, which is really great for only her second day. Later in the night, she only took about 10mls, so they had to put the feeding tube back in, but we are encouraged because she showed us that she can take a full bottle, we just have to continue to give her time.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
I've Got No Strings
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Yesterday Aleli lost her umbilical cord. And later in the evening, her nurse took a few pictures of her without her feeding tube. You can get more of a glimpse of her beautiful face! (Not her best picture, and the colors are pretty weird because of the nurse's camera, and then I had to scan it to my computer, but you get the idea!)
Thinking about Aleli without "strings" made me think of this classic Pinoccio song:
Yesterday Aleli lost her umbilical cord. And later in the evening, her nurse took a few pictures of her without her feeding tube. You can get more of a glimpse of her beautiful face! (Not her best picture, and the colors are pretty weird because of the nurse's camera, and then I had to scan it to my computer, but you get the idea!)
Thinking about Aleli without "strings" made me think of this classic Pinoccio song:
Monday, September 19, 2011
Holding my little girl
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When we do "kangaroo care" with Aleli, we hold her up high on our chest, and honestly it is tough to see her face. But last night, I bundled her up and held her in my lap and just looked at her for a bit. She rested peacefully, and every now and then halfway opened one eye, giving me what I call the "stink eye."
I'm not sure what else to say, other than "I held my little girl." It's an experience beyond words. The miracle of life is something that if I sit down and think about it for too long, I feel I might go crazy. Somehow, that little person came from me?
Thankfully, I have the rest of my life and hers to try to wrap my head around it all. But really, I don't think I'll ever be able to. And so just like last night, there isn't much I can do but simply hold her. And in the future, "holding her" might mean walking her to school, or driving her to the movies, or helping her through a difficult time.
But, as I sing to her while we sit in the dark and quiet room in the NICU, I will always be there to hold her.
On the Receiving End
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For most of my life I have been in the position of being able to give to others. Giving time, giving money, giving love and support to those who are in need. But these past two weeks, Kellye and I have been on the receiving end of enormous amounts of encouragement from friends and family. This has prompted me to realize a few things:
For most of my life I have been in the position of being able to give to others. Giving time, giving money, giving love and support to those who are in need. But these past two weeks, Kellye and I have been on the receiving end of enormous amounts of encouragement from friends and family. This has prompted me to realize a few things:
First, it is very humbling to receive gifts from people! We have received valuable gifts of time, food, service and simply money from people we would have never expected. Even more significantly, we continue to hear from people that they are praying for us and for Aleli. It is an extremely humbling experience for two people such as Kel and myself, two people who try to be strong, self-sufficient and capable at all times.
We are accustomed to being the ones who give, and when you give, you are actually in power. But right now, we are weak and we are in need. That's hard to admit, but its easier when friends and family show support in a loving way. That feeling of being cared for, loved, and knowing that you are not alone is a very unique experience.
Second, I am realizing the real value of a meal. We have received several meals, some cooked, some picked up from fast food, some brought fresh to our house specific to our order from our favorite restaurant. These meals are so important to us right now! There is something special about eating food that was prepared out of love and concern. Furthermore, it is saving us so much time and money. Some nights, we come home from the NICU around 9pm or later, and its a blessing to have dinner already simmering in the crockpot. And we haven't had to go to the store in 2 weeks! (Of course one week we were in the hospital, so....)
Because I now realize the importance of these meals, I told Kellye tonight that I always want to help others out in this way when they are in need. I used to think it wasn't a big deal, but now I realize how important providing a simply meal for someone can be.
Finally, Kellye and I are continually in awe at the beauty and joy of being in God's big family and God's great kingdom. We are blessed with so many friends from years of shared experiences in God's kingdom, and there support means that much more because we know it comes from the heart of God. I believe that the value of the gift is more than the gift itself, simply because it is given. Or, in other words, a $20 meal brought to our house is worth many times more than $20, because it was brought to our house during our time of need.
So, I am humbled. I am full of good food. And I'm loving life in God's big family.
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