Friday, April 24, 2009
A Simple Challenge
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This week I've been talking with my freshmen students about the discipline of "Simplicity," which IMO is one of the hardest concepts to grasp. We are so brainwashed in a culture of purchase+consume+work = identity that talking about a life and mindset outside of material possessions is like describing a forest to fish.
Another teacher helped come up with the idea for a unique project (see pictures throughout): A collage of items that represent money and possessions. Each student brought in 4 items, attached them to the wall, and then we painted over it the words, "What's UR Dream?" Then I tried to challenge students to dream bigger, imagine a different story, another way to live and die - and they wrote that "new dream" overtop of the collage.
I readily admit that I did not communicate the idea of a new dream, a new story very well. It was challenging for a few reasons:
1) I've been thinking about the whole idea of getting out of the typical American mindset for a few years, and so I have new ideas, new dreams, new visions right at the front of my thinking. Whereas, I would guess this may be one of the first times the students have heard someone challenge them to live more simply.
2) The daily grind of high school encourages students to think less and less - they have learned how to "get by" and anything that confronts them in a really challenging way is just seen as more work. It's tough for both teachers and students to move beyond the B&W questions/answers formula, and begin to explore, to imagine and create together. It's a lot more messy (as was all the painting in this project) and not every student "gets it." But perhaps it has more significance?
3) Modern evangelicalism doesn't know how to dream outside of the inherited American formula. In fact, I would argue that evangelicalism is actually hostile toward bigger and better dreams of world peace, universal health care, equal rights and justice for everyone, and environmental sustainability. This is a deeply disturbing irony to me, that many Christians I know would say equal rights and life for everyone should not be our dream, because some are sinners and deserve to be punished? We have strayed far from the simple words of John 3:16 ("God loved the WORLD")
4) Talking about simplicity is SO CONVICTING > as soon as I start to talk about possessions, wealth, obsessions with trends, etc. I realize that I am so much caught up in this mess as well. Ugh....
I'm sure there are many more reasons why I felt like I was talking to a brick wall the past few days - it's spring, my teaching is confusing, I wasn't very prepared, and perhaps students were understanding and agreeing more but just weren't jumping out of their seats and praising my revolutionary ideas (why don't they every do that?!?) But I did read a few words from Brian McLaren's book "Everything Must Change," because he says it so much better than I could.
"Can the suicide machine really be stopped? Can the earth really be liberated from the destructive framing story that drives it? Is Jesus' healing and transforming framing story really powerful enough to save the world? The simple answer is that nobody knows... Changing the wind would mean changing public opinion, which requires changing the values that guide people individually and as groups, which in turn requires changing the vision of what is both possible and desirable, which ultimately means changing our framing story. In other words, changing the wind means doubting, rejecting, and defecting from our old framing stories, and instead, discovering and adopting - in a word, believing- a new framing story.... So we must realize this: The suicidal framing story that dominates our world today has no power except the power we give it by believing it. Similarly, believing an alternative and transforming framing story may turn out to be the most radical thing any of us can ever do."
I hope, at some level, that is what I am really doing as a teacher - helping students to draw a new framing story - to believe something beyond the hopeless and never-ending cycle of wealth acquisition. The challenge though is what McLaren refers to, the "doubting, rejecting and defecting" from the false and damaging story. I have to do it first, and then somehow call students out into a new, different, exciting, challenging world.
I think we made some progress this week though - see the white words written overtop of the black and red -those are the new dreams, the bigger dreams, that the students came up with on their own. In a lot of ways, I am hopeful and excited that I am seeing things change.
This week I've been talking with my freshmen students about the discipline of "Simplicity," which IMO is one of the hardest concepts to grasp. We are so brainwashed in a culture of purchase+consume+work = identity that talking about a life and mindset outside of material possessions is like describing a forest to fish.
Another teacher helped come up with the idea for a unique project (see pictures throughout): A collage of items that represent money and possessions. Each student brought in 4 items, attached them to the wall, and then we painted over it the words, "What's UR Dream?" Then I tried to challenge students to dream bigger, imagine a different story, another way to live and die - and they wrote that "new dream" overtop of the collage.
I readily admit that I did not communicate the idea of a new dream, a new story very well. It was challenging for a few reasons:1) I've been thinking about the whole idea of getting out of the typical American mindset for a few years, and so I have new ideas, new dreams, new visions right at the front of my thinking. Whereas, I would guess this may be one of the first times the students have heard someone challenge them to live more simply.
2) The daily grind of high school encourages students to think less and less - they have learned how to "get by" and anything that confronts them in a really challenging way is just seen as more work. It's tough for both teachers and students to move beyond the B&W questions/answers formula, and begin to explore, to imagine and create together. It's a lot more messy (as was all the painting in this project) and not every student "gets it." But perhaps it has more significance?
3) Modern evangelicalism doesn't know how to dream outside of the inherited American formula. In fact, I would argue that evangelicalism is actually hostile toward bigger and better dreams of world peace, universal health care, equal rights and justice for everyone, and environmental sustainability. This is a deeply disturbing irony to me, that many Christians I know would say equal rights and life for everyone should not be our dream, because some are sinners and deserve to be punished? We have strayed far from the simple words of John 3:16 ("God loved the WORLD")
4) Talking about simplicity is SO CONVICTING > as soon as I start to talk about possessions, wealth, obsessions with trends, etc. I realize that I am so much caught up in this mess as well. Ugh....
I'm sure there are many more reasons why I felt like I was talking to a brick wall the past few days - it's spring, my teaching is confusing, I wasn't very prepared, and perhaps students were understanding and agreeing more but just weren't jumping out of their seats and praising my revolutionary ideas (why don't they every do that?!?) But I did read a few words from Brian McLaren's book "Everything Must Change," because he says it so much better than I could.
"Can the suicide machine really be stopped? Can the earth really be liberated from the destructive framing story that drives it? Is Jesus' healing and transforming framing story really powerful enough to save the world? The simple answer is that nobody knows... Changing the wind would mean changing public opinion, which requires changing the values that guide people individually and as groups, which in turn requires changing the vision of what is both possible and desirable, which ultimately means changing our framing story. In other words, changing the wind means doubting, rejecting, and defecting from our old framing stories, and instead, discovering and adopting - in a word, believing- a new framing story.... So we must realize this: The suicidal framing story that dominates our world today has no power except the power we give it by believing it. Similarly, believing an alternative and transforming framing story may turn out to be the most radical thing any of us can ever do."
I hope, at some level, that is what I am really doing as a teacher - helping students to draw a new framing story - to believe something beyond the hopeless and never-ending cycle of wealth acquisition. The challenge though is what McLaren refers to, the "doubting, rejecting and defecting" from the false and damaging story. I have to do it first, and then somehow call students out into a new, different, exciting, challenging world.
I think we made some progress this week though - see the white words written overtop of the black and red -those are the new dreams, the bigger dreams, that the students came up with on their own. In a lot of ways, I am hopeful and excited that I am seeing things change.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Today's song
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This song is singing my heart today - Greg Laswell "I'd be lying"
won't you let me give you a hand
i have an extra I'm not using
won't you let me lighten your load
i mean after all your legs are shaking
and i can understand
all i need is your hand
oh won't you take the fall
it is me after all
won't you let me match your stride
i can slow down if you want to
we can handle it side by side
what do you say girl don't you want to
and i can understand
all i need is your hand
oh won't you take the fall
it is me after all
I'd be lying
if i ran away
I'd be lying
if i ran another way
and so I'll stay
but won't you let me be your man
I'm strong enough you know that i can
be the one to ease your mind
ease your mind
there's not much that you can do
to get me to run away from you
won't you let me give you a hand
i have an extra I'm not using
won't you let me lighten your load
i mean after all your legs are shaking
and i can understand
all i need is your hand
oh won't you take the fall
it is me after all
won't you let me match your stride
i can slow down if you want to
we can handle it side by side
what do you say girl don't you want to
and i can understand
all i need is your hand
oh won't you take the fall
it is me after all
I'd be lying
if i ran away
I'd be lying
if i ran another way
and so I'll stay
but won't you let me be your man
I'm strong enough you know that i can
be the one to ease your mind
ease your mind
there's not much that you can do
to get me to run away from you
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Unmistakable Call
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One of the first theological books that really struck me was Bonhoeffer's "Cost of Discipleship." I was looking back through it this morning, preparing to talk with my freshmen about simplicity and the story of the rich young man. Several quotes stood out to me:
"Here is the sum of the commandments - to live in fellowship with Christ. This Christ now confronts the young man with his call. He can no longer escape into the unreal world of his moral difficulties. The commandment is plain and straightforward: 'Follow me.'"
"We must not do violence to the Scriptures by interpreting them in terms of abstract principle, even if that principle be a doctrine of grace. Otherwise we shall end up in legalism."
I am certainly guilty of over-analyzing, and often I feel that I know what I should do (or what God is calling me to do), but I think about what might be the consequences, the implications, etc. And so I stay within my easy, typical and "safe" routines.
"The elimination of single-minded obedience on principle is but another instance of the perversion of the costly grace of the call of Jesus into the cheap grace of self-justification. By this means a false law is set up which deafens men to the concrete call of Christ. This false law is the law of the world, of which the law of grace is at once the complement and the antithesis."
I understand Bonhoeffer to be talking about the Christian mentality that says, "I trust in God to take care of it, so I won't do anything." Or, "It seems pretty clear what God is saying here, but that would mean I would have to change my whole life, and that doesn't make sense. God wouldn't ask me to do that." It is reminding me a lot of our discussion with the cohort this past week regarding some words from Dr. Brueggeman. One phrase specifically he said was that we need a "raw, dramatic transaction" with Scripture, "not cleaned up or protected by our critical thought." The reality is that when we think we are being faithful to Scripture, we are actually putting layers and layers of our rationalizations over top of the in-breaking truth.
So I'm returning again to my question, "How do I more faithfully live what I believe to be true?"
"Here is the sum of the commandments - to live in fellowship with Christ. This Christ now confronts the young man with his call. He can no longer escape into the unreal world of his moral difficulties. The commandment is plain and straightforward: 'Follow me.'"
"We must not do violence to the Scriptures by interpreting them in terms of abstract principle, even if that principle be a doctrine of grace. Otherwise we shall end up in legalism."
I am certainly guilty of over-analyzing, and often I feel that I know what I should do (or what God is calling me to do), but I think about what might be the consequences, the implications, etc. And so I stay within my easy, typical and "safe" routines.
"The elimination of single-minded obedience on principle is but another instance of the perversion of the costly grace of the call of Jesus into the cheap grace of self-justification. By this means a false law is set up which deafens men to the concrete call of Christ. This false law is the law of the world, of which the law of grace is at once the complement and the antithesis."
I understand Bonhoeffer to be talking about the Christian mentality that says, "I trust in God to take care of it, so I won't do anything." Or, "It seems pretty clear what God is saying here, but that would mean I would have to change my whole life, and that doesn't make sense. God wouldn't ask me to do that." It is reminding me a lot of our discussion with the cohort this past week regarding some words from Dr. Brueggeman. One phrase specifically he said was that we need a "raw, dramatic transaction" with Scripture, "not cleaned up or protected by our critical thought." The reality is that when we think we are being faithful to Scripture, we are actually putting layers and layers of our rationalizations over top of the in-breaking truth.
So I'm returning again to my question, "How do I more faithfully live what I believe to be true?"
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Finally...
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...some Christians are realizing that the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin" is a cover-up for flat out homophobia, hatred and un-Christ-like behavior. Brian McLaren referenced this article (written by a Southern Baptist!!) that calls Christians to account for their words, actions and attitudes toward gays. The final paragraph states:
Now is the time for those who bear the name of Jesus Christ to stop merely talking about love and start showing love to our gay and lesbian neighbors. It must be concrete and tangible. It must move beyond cheap rhetoric. We cannot pick and choose which neighbors we will love. We must love them all.
The question now is, what does this "concrete" "tangible" "love" really look like?
Now is the time for those who bear the name of Jesus Christ to stop merely talking about love and start showing love to our gay and lesbian neighbors. It must be concrete and tangible. It must move beyond cheap rhetoric. We cannot pick and choose which neighbors we will love. We must love them all.
The question now is, what does this "concrete" "tangible" "love" really look like?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Deeply Listening
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"When someone deeply listens to you
it is like holding out a dented cup you have had since childhood
and watching it fill up with cold fresh water.
When it balances on the top of the rim
you are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin
you are loved.
When someone deeply listens to you
the room where you stay starts a new life
and the place where you wrote your first poem
begins to blow in your minds eyes.
It's as if gold has been discovered.
When someone deeply listens to you
your bare feet are on the earth
and the beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you."
-- John Fox
This poem - in one direction - encapsulates the goal of my relationship with students, with friends, and in life. In another direction, it expresses my deep gratitude that God hears, and doesn't always answer, my prayers.
it is like holding out a dented cup you have had since childhood
and watching it fill up with cold fresh water.
When it balances on the top of the rim
you are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin
you are loved.
When someone deeply listens to you
the room where you stay starts a new life
and the place where you wrote your first poem
begins to blow in your minds eyes.
It's as if gold has been discovered.
When someone deeply listens to you
your bare feet are on the earth
and the beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you."
-- John Fox
This poem - in one direction - encapsulates the goal of my relationship with students, with friends, and in life. In another direction, it expresses my deep gratitude that God hears, and doesn't always answer, my prayers.
Reflecting, and a prayer
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The more I dive into God
his Presence, his Word, his Life
The more I am driven outward
into the World, into the lives of Others
And I heard him say, "I am here too."
I think that the Divine must be named
He must be robed, and sung, and preached
But the Divine is everywhere
from the great cathedrals to the tiniest stone
from the sun, moon and stars to the reflecting pond
God is truly everywhere and is found in all things
When will I awake?
When will my ears open?
And my mind, my heart, my soul, become aware?
Jesus - reconcile me to yourself
The more I dive into God
his Presence, his Word, his Life
The more I am driven outward
into the World, into the lives of Others
And I heard him say, "I am here too."
I think that the Divine must be named
He must be robed, and sung, and preached
But the Divine is everywhere
from the great cathedrals to the tiniest stone
from the sun, moon and stars to the reflecting pond
God is truly everywhere and is found in all things
When will I awake?
When will my ears open?
And my mind, my heart, my soul, become aware?
Jesus - reconcile me to yourself
Friday, April 17, 2009
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Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Contemplation
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Another quote from Merton, one that I remember from his book New Seeds of Contemplation, which really got me thinking and trying to live contemplatively. And then it was also the quote that was put inside our booklets on the retreat. (I added the emphasis in bold)
"Contemplation is the highest expression of man's intellectual and spiritual life. It is that life itself, fully awake, fully active, fully aware that it is alive. It is spiritual wonder. It is spontaneous awe at the sacredness of life, of being. It is gratitude for life, for awareness, and for being. It is a vivid realization of the fact that life and being in us proceed from an invisible, transcendent, and infinitely abundant Source. Contemplation is, above all, awareness of the reality of that Source."
Throughout the retreat, I continued to hear God say, "I am here. I am here." I feel like that is one of the core messages that I came away with from those four days spent in reflection and seeking. God is here. S/he is everywhere! Even when I don't expect it, look for it, anticipate or even believe it - God is here. Even now. Even here. Praise God!
So I'll just mention it here briefly, (for the very few who read this blog :) This retreat was a real blessing for me, a great opportunity to wonder, to seek, to become awake and aware of the reality of God's Presence. And I suspect that there are others (perhaps many others) who are seeking God, or desire to seek God, but aren't sure they know where or how to look. I'd like to tell you more about contemplation, more about Merton, more about Jesus' barrier-breaking presence that invades us every moment of the day.
And perhaps we could take a retreat together to Gethsemani in KY - to sit, think, wonder, and find God together.
Another quote from Merton, one that I remember from his book New Seeds of Contemplation, which really got me thinking and trying to live contemplatively. And then it was also the quote that was put inside our booklets on the retreat. (I added the emphasis in bold)
"Contemplation is the highest expression of man's intellectual and spiritual life. It is that life itself, fully awake, fully active, fully aware that it is alive. It is spiritual wonder. It is spontaneous awe at the sacredness of life, of being. It is gratitude for life, for awareness, and for being. It is a vivid realization of the fact that life and being in us proceed from an invisible, transcendent, and infinitely abundant Source. Contemplation is, above all, awareness of the reality of that Source."
Throughout the retreat, I continued to hear God say, "I am here. I am here." I feel like that is one of the core messages that I came away with from those four days spent in reflection and seeking. God is here. S/he is everywhere! Even when I don't expect it, look for it, anticipate or even believe it - God is here. Even now. Even here. Praise God!
So I'll just mention it here briefly, (for the very few who read this blog :) This retreat was a real blessing for me, a great opportunity to wonder, to seek, to become awake and aware of the reality of God's Presence. And I suspect that there are others (perhaps many others) who are seeking God, or desire to seek God, but aren't sure they know where or how to look. I'd like to tell you more about contemplation, more about Merton, more about Jesus' barrier-breaking presence that invades us every moment of the day.
And perhaps we could take a retreat together to Gethsemani in KY - to sit, think, wonder, and find God together.
Color Pics from Gethsemani
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Below is the Picasa Web Album that includes color pictures from my recent retreat in KY. You can view the full album here and the black and white pictures album here.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Returning and reflecting
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I'm back from my weekend retreat at the Abbey of Gethsemani. Actually I spent most of my time at Bethany Spring, which is a retreat house run by the Thomas Merton Institute. It was a fantastic getaway, a beautiful setting, and a very meaningful experience for me. I hope to blog some of the thoughts, writings, experiences I had over the next few days. For now, I'm going to copy a quote from Merton that I'll be holding onto for a while, and include a few black&white pictures.
"Contemplation is essentially a listening in silence, an expectancy. And yet in a certain sense, we must truly begin to hear God when we have ceased to listen. What is the explanation of this paradox? Perhaps only that there is a higher kind of listening...a general emptiness that waits to realize the fullness of the message of God within its own apparent void. In other words, the true contemplative is not the one who prepares his mind for a particular message that he wants or expects to hear, but who remains empty because he knows that he can never expect or anticipate the word that will transform his darkness into light. He does not even anticipate a special kind of transformation...He waits on the Word of God in silence, and when he is 'answered' it is not so much by a word that bursts into his silence. It is by his silence itself suddenly, inexplicably revealing itself to him as a great word of power, full of the voice of God." - Thomas Merton, "Contemplative Prayer"
I'm back from my weekend retreat at the Abbey of Gethsemani. Actually I spent most of my time at Bethany Spring, which is a retreat house run by the Thomas Merton Institute. It was a fantastic getaway, a beautiful setting, and a very meaningful experience for me. I hope to blog some of the thoughts, writings, experiences I had over the next few days. For now, I'm going to copy a quote from Merton that I'll be holding onto for a while, and include a few black&white pictures.
"Contemplation is essentially a listening in silence, an expectancy. And yet in a certain sense, we must truly begin to hear God when we have ceased to listen. What is the explanation of this paradox? Perhaps only that there is a higher kind of listening...a general emptiness that waits to realize the fullness of the message of God within its own apparent void. In other words, the true contemplative is not the one who prepares his mind for a particular message that he wants or expects to hear, but who remains empty because he knows that he can never expect or anticipate the word that will transform his darkness into light. He does not even anticipate a special kind of transformation...He waits on the Word of God in silence, and when he is 'answered' it is not so much by a word that bursts into his silence. It is by his silence itself suddenly, inexplicably revealing itself to him as a great word of power, full of the voice of God." - Thomas Merton, "Contemplative Prayer"
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Taking hold of life
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I often dream about doing something "really great" with my life. Perhaps it's because we hear so many "great" stories every day - rags to riches successes, athletic champions, political heroes, media stars, and all those people who are "changing the world." I think it's natural that I want to be something great, someone recognized and commended, to do something noteworthy with my life.
I caught myself the other day thinking about how I'm almost 27 years old, and I'm not really sure what I've done in all those years. I kind of thought, "Is this it? This is who I am?" But then just a few days later, I realized how selfish and ungrateful I was. There are billions throughout the world who have not accomplished the things that I take for granted every day: college degree, married, owning a house, teaching high school. These self-descriptions which are so commonplace to me could be the dreams of many others who are in different life situations than myself.
So I have to keep reminding myself that my life is not about what I achieve outwardly, and it's not about who notices or doesn't notice. 15 minutes of fame and my name on pg. B5 of the local paper aren't my goal and purpose of life. There is something more fulfilling, something deeper, something more meaningful and more life-giving than to live by a standard of success determined by those around me. There is an inner life, a spiritual life, a life lived in connection with the heart and life of God that finds peace, rest, and fulfillment.
I'm leaving this afternoon to spend about four days on a contemplative retreat near the monastery where Thomas Merton lived and wrote. I'm pretty nervous about having to leave behind my laptop, my cell phone, my music, my blog, my Twitter, my email, my Facebook, my life as I live it every day. But I also know there is something beautiful and important for me. I'm looking forward to this time almost as much as I am anxious about it.
--
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"
I often dream about doing something "really great" with my life. Perhaps it's because we hear so many "great" stories every day - rags to riches successes, athletic champions, political heroes, media stars, and all those people who are "changing the world." I think it's natural that I want to be something great, someone recognized and commended, to do something noteworthy with my life.
I caught myself the other day thinking about how I'm almost 27 years old, and I'm not really sure what I've done in all those years. I kind of thought, "Is this it? This is who I am?" But then just a few days later, I realized how selfish and ungrateful I was. There are billions throughout the world who have not accomplished the things that I take for granted every day: college degree, married, owning a house, teaching high school. These self-descriptions which are so commonplace to me could be the dreams of many others who are in different life situations than myself.
So I have to keep reminding myself that my life is not about what I achieve outwardly, and it's not about who notices or doesn't notice. 15 minutes of fame and my name on pg. B5 of the local paper aren't my goal and purpose of life. There is something more fulfilling, something deeper, something more meaningful and more life-giving than to live by a standard of success determined by those around me. There is an inner life, a spiritual life, a life lived in connection with the heart and life of God that finds peace, rest, and fulfillment.
I'm leaving this afternoon to spend about four days on a contemplative retreat near the monastery where Thomas Merton lived and wrote. I'm pretty nervous about having to leave behind my laptop, my cell phone, my music, my blog, my Twitter, my email, my Facebook, my life as I live it every day. But I also know there is something beautiful and important for me. I'm looking forward to this time almost as much as I am anxious about it.
--
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Another great music site
Monday, April 6, 2009
Holding on so tightly that it hurts
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We had our monthly "Celebration of the Faithful" with the cohort yesterday, and Nancy prepared a beautiful activity. She placed a nail in our open hands, and then told us to hold on tightly, to squeeze as hard as possible, and to feel the pain of the nail pressing against your palm. She asked us, "What are you holding on to? What is causing you pain? What are you afraid of?"
I thought about the community of Christians in which I work throughout the school year - Grove City Christian School. I love the people there deeply, especially the students. But I have found that in recent months, my love is sometimes too radical, too unconditional, and not tempered enough with the "restraint" that characterizes "good" Christians. I've been questioned, challenged, given strange looks, and asked to be careful about how I show love.
And so I find myself holding on very tightly to my job, holding on tightly to the expectations and perceptions that other people have of me. I don't want to lose my teaching position; I don't want to lose their respect. I want to be seen as a positive influence, as a good teacher, and someone who is doing God's work in a right manner.
But the tighter I hold on, the more pain I feel. I wonder what would happen if I just let go? If I just let the love of Jesus flow through me without restraint? If I was less concerned about what other people thought of me, and allowed compassion, kindness and mercy to be my primary concerns? What if I simply loved student's asses off?
Maybe I would be criticized. Maybe God's love really is scandalous, is offensive. His forgiveness that is true forgiveness for those who do not deserve it at all smacks us in our righteous faces. But I think I'm going to try to let go a bit, not hold on so tightly, and try to love as deeply, truthfully, and honestly as I can.
I thought about the community of Christians in which I work throughout the school year - Grove City Christian School. I love the people there deeply, especially the students. But I have found that in recent months, my love is sometimes too radical, too unconditional, and not tempered enough with the "restraint" that characterizes "good" Christians. I've been questioned, challenged, given strange looks, and asked to be careful about how I show love.
And so I find myself holding on very tightly to my job, holding on tightly to the expectations and perceptions that other people have of me. I don't want to lose my teaching position; I don't want to lose their respect. I want to be seen as a positive influence, as a good teacher, and someone who is doing God's work in a right manner.
But the tighter I hold on, the more pain I feel. I wonder what would happen if I just let go? If I just let the love of Jesus flow through me without restraint? If I was less concerned about what other people thought of me, and allowed compassion, kindness and mercy to be my primary concerns? What if I simply loved student's asses off?
Maybe I would be criticized. Maybe God's love really is scandalous, is offensive. His forgiveness that is true forgiveness for those who do not deserve it at all smacks us in our righteous faces. But I think I'm going to try to let go a bit, not hold on so tightly, and try to love as deeply, truthfully, and honestly as I can.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Digging Seabird
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Sometimes - Seabird
I've been listening to Seabird a lot lately, getting ready to hopefully catch them tomorrow night in town. This song came up on the iPod on the drive home today and really hit me - lyrics below:
Sometimes it's alright to just be alone
Sometimes it's alright to just stay at home
Sometimes it's ok if we lose our minds
Sometimes it's the only way out of a fight
Maybe we'll fall before we take flight
Maybe you're all I've got to lose
They say it's gray, but we see it white
And if I'm lost, thank God I'm lost with you
Sometimes there's only so much we can take
By the time you arrived, we all needed a break
Sometimes it's ok if we lose our minds
Sometimes it's the only way out of a fight
It's ok to fight back, it's alright if you lose
It's ok to give up, we'll still love you if you do
Sometimes - Seabird
I've been listening to Seabird a lot lately, getting ready to hopefully catch them tomorrow night in town. This song came up on the iPod on the drive home today and really hit me - lyrics below:
Sometimes it's alright to just be alone
Sometimes it's alright to just stay at home
Sometimes it's ok if we lose our minds
Sometimes it's the only way out of a fight
Maybe we'll fall before we take flight
Maybe you're all I've got to lose
They say it's gray, but we see it white
And if I'm lost, thank God I'm lost with you
Sometimes there's only so much we can take
By the time you arrived, we all needed a break
Sometimes it's ok if we lose our minds
Sometimes it's the only way out of a fight
It's ok to fight back, it's alright if you lose
It's ok to give up, we'll still love you if you do
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